Days are going by fast!

Not much to tell today. I'm at 279 lbs - not much change. I realize that I've got 17 months to lose 80 lbs, so a pound a day isn't feasible, but I still get a little depressed when the scale doesn't show a loss every day.

The last three weeks have flown by for some reason. It seems like every time I sit down in the living room, it's time to watch Battlestar Galactica. I think going to the gym after work makes the evenings pass faster for some reason.

Bernie got laid off this week. I've been waiting for this for 2 years and so has she, but it caught her by surprise nonetheless. She's happy about it, so no need for sympathies, everyone. She got to work from home 4 days out of 5 for 3 years doing something that bored her to tears, so she's actually happy it's over. The job was too good to quit but too boring to enjoy. We're glad it's over and she can go find something more rewarding this time. Coincidentally, we got a bunch of checks in the mail from other sources this week - almost like a higher power wanted to send us something to tide us over until she gets another job.

That's really about it for now. I have managed to eat 'soft' but normal food without puking this week. I had a broken blood vessel in my eye last week and it still looks bad, but it's getting better. That's what happens when you throw up too vigorously or too often, so I've pledged to stop making mistakes with food from now on.

Chinese New Year update

We had a nice family celebration lunch for CNY today. Bernie made a lot of stuff and we supplemented with food from the local Chinese take out restaurant. I managed to eat half an egg roll and a couple of forkfuls of lo mein, but it was uncomfortable going down. After the party broke up and Bernie and I went to the gym, I ate leftover orange chicken for dinner with no qualms whatsoever, so there is still absolutely no rhyme or reason to what I'm able to tolerate.

The good news is I am now at 280lbs. Since I worked out today, I bet I'm at 278 tomorrow.

There was a little bit of "changing of the guard" in my closet today. My waist size is still 44, but I no longer need elastic at that size, and in truth, normal 44s are a little loose in the waist. I went through the pants in the closet and took about 80% out of circulation because they were too baggy. This also wiped out the current roster of blue jeans.

So I went to where I had stored the skinny clothes in vacuum bags 3 years ago. I got 8 pairs of slacks out that were once too small and they now fit (some of them are actually loose), including several pairs that still had tags attached. An old, reliable pair of jeans that once fit me are now back in service because they fit again, as well as a pair that never got worn. I've apparently shrunk in height, because almost all the slacks need to be re-hemmed by about an inch. The sad thing about all this is that these pants probably won't be worn long before they are also too big, and then I'll start opening the vacuum bags that are even farther back in the spare closet.

I'm starting to work on my laundry, and I bet there are clothes in the hamper that won't be going back into the closet, too.

It's a good thing I've hung on to clothes that I 'outgrew' while I was gaining weight. Otherwise, I'd be going broke replacing them right now. I expect I'll be wearing t-shirts and shorts from my college days when summer arrives.

Weight Loss Update

I've officially graduated to the 'soft foods' diet that I've been doing illegally for the past couple of weeks. I'm allowed noodles and crackers again, whee!

After a less than 50% acceptance rate, I am crossing grits off my list of approved foods. I have no idea why I can't handle them, but such is life.

This morning, I weighed in at 282.4 lbs. I've hit and passed the 50lbs lost mark. Another ten and I'll have to change to 42 inch waist pants. My mom measured me and I've lost a ton of inches on my chest, stomach, waist, arms, legs, and neck. On the down side, skin is starting to sag and stretch marks are beginning to show. Some of them sting! Couple this with the dry skin that winter brings, and I'm having to slather on lotion when I get out of the shower every day just to keep that crawly sensation from happening.

Bernie and I joined a gym on Monday and we each did 20 minutes on the treadclimber. No issues, no soreness, and 180 calories burned. I wonder if that spurred the drop from 285 to 282?

In any event, I've already lost half of what I originally expected to lose. That's cause for celebration in itself.

We went to a restaurant on Monday night after the gym and the waitress told us she had a friend that had done gastric bypass 3 years ago, had gotten her plastic surgery and everything after the weight loss, then she rediscovered candy and wine and gained it all back. Thank heaven I don't drink or love sweets much.

One disappointment - I cannot tell when I'm full. I guess I'll have to measure portions for the rest of my life. That's a fair trade.

Hudson River Plane "crash"

I'm sure everyone's seen the news about the NYC to Charlotte flight that was landed safely in the Hudson River after having both engines damaged by birds immediately after takeoff.

Amazing that no one was seriously hurt. The passengers were all rescued by the ferries on the river, and the plane was towed to Chelsea Piers. The wings didn't even come off.

The newspaper here in Charlotte has comments on the article from people that recognize the flight crew from the photos. That's pretty surreal.

Anyway, the pilot is a hero and I salute him and his extreme competence under pressure. He can pilot my plane any time.

Funny, though...all I can think of is: What happens to the plane now? Do they refurbish it and put it back into service? Or does it end up getting sold to some 3rd world nation's airline? I don't think any American would want to get on a plane that's been crash-landed before.

Weight Loss Update

286.4 this morning. 47 pounds lost.

I'm going to start investigating gyms next week. I have a good recommendation from a friend at work about Energy Sports and Fitness, which is close to the office. They have a "cardio cinema room" where you can use the treadmill or elliptical machine in a darkened movie theater and enjoy the show while you sweat.

I think I'm going to concentrate on cardio fitness at first - something I usually shun for the weights. I think the rapid weight loss will keep me interested.

The lightest I've been in memory is 265. I can't wait to break that barrier. After that, I'm going for college-level weights.

Eating is still officially puree, but I've been cheating with soft foods from time to time. Bernie and I went out to eat the for the first time and shared a plate. Baked Mac & Cheese, Mashed Potatoes & Gravy, and fried shrimp. The shrimp were a religious experience. They just disintegrated in my mouth and the flavor was out of this world. We took most of the meal home and I had leftovers for three days.

On another interesting note, the budget has never been in better shape in our household. Eating at home has saved us a bunch of money this month.

I went to my first rehearsal with the concert band since the surgery and both me and my recently repaired saxophone did great. The dent in my lip hurts, though.

A Better Version of Star Wars (Ep III)

I saw Star Wars - Return of the Jedi on Spike TV tonight, and I realized that I actually prefer the new trilogy to the old one (blasphemy!). Especially Ep III.

Why is that, I wonder? Maybe it's because Lucas semi-successfully managed to shoehorn the whole fall of Vader into one two-hour movie, since he failed to advance the plot very much in the first two movies. He had so much ground to cover in Ep III, that I consider it a triumph that he managed to get it (mostly) all in there.

Not that there's not room for improvement, of course. What's that you say? Prove it? Okay. Here's my personal treatment of Star Wars Ep III - Revenge of the Sith:

First change - the movie picks up 5 years later than Lucas's version. Anakin is 30 years old, a full Jedi Master, and ambitious. He and Obi-Wan are still close friends, but Anakin feels like he's left Obi-Wan in his wake, force-power wise, and is a little bit condescending towards him. Anakin has become the hero of the Clone Wars in the meantime, and has established a home on the planetoid Mustafar, a volcanic world. Padme lives on Coruscant, and they secretly see each other whenever he can get there and stay for awhile, which isn't often.

Act I, Scene I - The Jedi Council Chamber. Anakin is informed he's lost another bid to join the Jedi Council. Anakin takes it calmly, but stiffly inquires of Windu and Yoda why they refuse to let him join the council. Windu bluntly tells him that they know he is the most powerful of the Jedi, but they are aware of his tendencies toward attachment and love of power, and they don't completely trust him to follow the "Jedi way". Anakin says his record of accomplishments in his short time as a Jedi should be sufficient cause for their trust and that he "finds their lack of faith disturbing". (Anakin has gotten over his whiny teenage ways, and speaks slowly with a deep voice).

Act I, Scene II - The hallway outside the chamber. Anakin and Obi-Wan walk and talk. Obi-Wan warns Anakin that the council suspects of his marriage to Padme and that it could be the reason they will not let him on the council. Anakin says that if the council wishes, he'd be happy to leave the Jedi order, because he's fed up with their philosophy and stupid rules forbidding love and expansion of knowledge of the force. Obi-Wan quickly backs off and changes the subject. An alam goes off - there is an attack on the Coruscant - the Chancellor has been kidnapped by General Grevious. Kenobi and Anakin rush to their Jedi fighters to join the persuit.

Act I, Scene III - in orbit of Coruscant. This stays the same. The Jedi fight their way to Grevious's ship.

Act I, Scene IV - the lightsaber duel with Dooku. Almost the same as actually shot, but less encouragement by the "chancellor" is required to cause Anakin to kill Dooku. After beheading the count, Palpatine congratulates Anakin and remarks that he simply can't believe the Jedi are treating him so poorly after all the things he's done to win the war for the Republic. Anakin shows little or no remorse for slaughtering Dooku, or for tapping into the dark side to beat him.

Act I, Scene V - Kenobi and Anakin fight General Grevious. I'm expanding this scene to an epic battle where Grevious intentionally disables his ship and sets it to ram and self-destruct on top of the Republic Senate chambers. Obi-Wan convinces Anakin to take the controls and prevent the crash, while R2-D2 stops the self destruct. Meanwhile, Kenobi kills Grevious.

Act II, Scene I - Republic Senate. Palpatine honors and gives medals to Kenobi and Anakin. He declares Anakin to be the Chancellor's Protector, a new title which gives him a seat on the Jedi Council. Yoda and Windu look shocked and abruptly leave the podium. They whisper that the Chancellor has no such power to name council members among the Jedi and wonder whether they should refuse Anakin his seat. Windu wonders whether they should go further and intervene and force Palpatine from power, since the war is all but over and he hasn't given up his emergency powers. Yoda convinces Windu to allow it, but not to give him voting rights. Windu says maybe this is the time to confront Anakin with their knowledge of his illicit marriage and use that as their basis for refusal.

cut scene to the Seperatists being arrested and hauled in for trial.

Act II, Scene II - Padme's apartment. Big 'ol love scene here. Padme shows Anakin that she's preggers (and barely able to hide it at this stage). They discuss what happens when the Jedi find out, because there will be no hiding the fact that she's pregnant with twins soon. Anakin says if they press the issue, he'll just resign from the Jedi and they can be a real family. Awwww. Later that night, Anakin has his dream about Padme dying. He wakes up abruptly and several of Padme's breakables in the room shatter as he wakes.

Act II, Scene III - Palpatine's office. Palpatine discusses Anakin's new job with him. More sweet talk about how Anakin is being abused by the Jedi council and how ungrateful they are for all he has done to advance the order's prestige across the galaxy. Palpatine tells the story of Darth Plagueis to Anakin and how he was able to prevent death by use of the dark side.

Act II, Scene IV - Confrontation in the Jedi Temple. Windu and the rest of the council deny Anakin a full seat on the council and reveal they know about his marriage. Anakin gets angry (eyes glow red a little) and raises his hand towards Windu. Lightsabers ignite amongst the council members. Anakin resigns from the Jedi order and tells them what he thinks about their philosophy and rules. As he storms out, in the hallway, Kenobi attempts to talk him out of it, warning him that this is what Dooku did. Anakin walks away, saying that maybe Dooku had the right idea all along.

Act II, Scene V - Padme's apartment. Anakin and Padme deal with the aftermath. Padme won't leave the Senate to go with Anakin to Mustafar. They argue a little. Anakin packs his things and prepares to leave, telling Padme to come to him whenever she can. At that moment, a messenger from the Chancellor arrives and tells Anakin that the Chancellor needs to see him urgently.

Act III, Scene I - Palpatine's office. Palpatine lets Anakin into the office. He begs Anakin to stay on Coruscant and remain his protector. He suspects a plot to overthrow the Senate from the Jedi. He shows Anakin a tape of Yoda and Windu talking about removing Palpatine from office (Act II, Scene I). Anakin isn't convinced.

-cut scene to Padme's apartment. A masked assassin breaks in and takes a swing at Padme with a lightsaber. Padme gets away, although wounded across the belly, and sets off an alarm and the assailant flees.

-cut scenes around Coruscant showing several other senators being murdered by assailants with lightsabers.

- cut scene to a hospital room. Anakin sees Padme fighting for her life. The medical droid tells them that she will live, but the babies lives are in danger.

Act III, Scene II - Palpatine's office. Palpatine tells Anakin about the assassin and the fact that he had a lightsaber. Anakin loses his cool completely. Eyes glow red. Palpatine calms him down a little and reveals his true identity as Darth Sidious (shows his real face, which he disguises with Sith science). He tells Anakin that with Sith training and study, he could learn Darth Plagueis's secret to preserving life.

-cut scene to the Sith apprenticeship ritual and naming of Darth Vader. This will be so damn cool that geeks will show this scene over and over again for years to come. Vader will wear a black suit and cape and cowl reminiscent of the one we'll see him in later on, but not full armor.

Act II, Scene III - Anakin and an army of clone troopers march on the Jedi temple.
-cut scene with Palpatine addressing the Senate and showing them evidence of the Jedi treachery. Massive outrage in the senate.
-cut scene with Anakin mowing down Jedi in the temple. This includes padawans, apprentice, and full Jedi Knights. He cuts them down like tall grass, interdispersed with some pithy comments like we've come to expect from Vader.
-cut scene to Palpatine declaring the first Galactic Empire amid massive acclaim and applause.
-cut scene to clone troopers setting fire to the Jedi Temple.
-cut scene to Padme's hospital room, where Yoda and Kenobi witness Padme's unexpected death, and the babies are delivered by cesarian section. At that moment, they feel the disturbance in the force, and rush to the temple in a speeder.
-cut scene to Vader and Windu fighting in the burning, collapsing temple. Lots of angry words exchanged here during the fight. Windu starts to get the better of Vader and manages to disarm him and cut off his mechanical arm. As he prepares the final blow, Vader gets madder than we've ever seen him before, and blasts the holy heck out of Windu with force lightning of such power that the roof comes off of the temple, the walls collapse outwards, and we're left with a shot of Vader standing in a clearing with a charred corpse at his feet. Exhausted, Vader collapses. Yoda and Kenobi arrive to see the total destruction of the temple, get shot at by the clonetroopers and decide to head off-planet.

Act III, scene IV - Bail Organa's ship. Yoda and Kenobi flee on Organa's ship. They have the two babies. Yoda gives Leia to Organa to raise as his own. He tells Kenobi to take Luke to Tatooine and give him to Owen Lars and to wait until an opportunity arises to train Luke as a Jedi to fight the Empire. Organa drops off Yoda on Dagobah. He prepares to fly to Tatooine, but Obi-Wan tells him to go to Mustafar instead, as he has unfinished business with Vader.

Act III, scene V - The confrontation on Mustafar between Vader and Kenobi. First, we see Vader getting a new arm. Then an alarm sounds as Kenobi's ship lands. The confrontation begins and the duel starts. This will run pretty much as originally shot, but when Kenobi gets the higher ground at the end, Vader will blast him with force lightning, which Kenobi will deflect with his lightsaber. The robot platform Vader is standing on will lose power and plunge into the lava, leaving Vader knee deep in molten metal, clothes on fire. He manages two steps toward Kenobi, who reaches and grabs his hand (the mechanical one). Vader suckers him and swings his lightsaber with the other (meat) hand and Kenobi deflects it and cuts off the arm, causing the saber to go flying. Vader ends up lying on the hot sand, on fire, legless and armless except for his mechanical arm. Kenobi says his piece about the chosen one, etc etc, and leaves him for dead, picking up Vader's lightsaber as he leaves.

Act III, scene VI - The emperor arrives and saves Vader's life.
-cut scene to the rebuilding of Vader, pretty much as Lucas did it. The Emperor tells Vader that Padme is dead and so are the babies at the hands of the Jedi. Vader swears to exterminate the Jedi.
-cut scene showing Kenobi going into exile on Tatooine.

Roll credits.


So, what I have done is start the conflict between Anakin and the Jedi earlier, and have a lot of it occur before the movie starts. Then, I've made Padme's pregnancy further along at the beginning, avoiding the conundrum that she gives birth before getting a baby bump. I got rid of Grievous early on, and I've answered the fanboy cries to see Vader at full power, which Lucas didn't give us. I gave the audience one more chance to see Windu fighting and kicking butt. I've also deliberately blurred the line between good and evil, making it easier to sympathize with Vader and casting aspersions on the Jedi and their motivations. I've reduced the role of the Emperor to being a schemer rather than a fighter, making that consistent with the original trilogy. Most importantly, I've gotten rid of the ridiculous "one swing, three limbs" end to the battle between Kenobi and Vader, and made Anakin/Vader less whiny and full of teenage angst.

First Checkup with the Surgeon

I had my one-month appointment with the surgeon yesterday. He was really impressed with the 43 pound weight loss. My blood pressure is high (which I know - we've been checking it) but not dangerously high, so he wants to wait a couple more weeks before doing anything about it. I have an appointment with my regular doctor on the 24th, and he says if she wants to, she can put me back on the Vasotec, but not the diuretic, since I am already fighting dehydration.

Everything else looked fine- he was pleased with the healing of the incisions (they're all new pink skin, except for the drain wound, which is still a scab).

I totally forgot to ask him about playing the saxophone, which I will resume next week. I was planning on doing the old joke about "Well, I never could before!", but now I've missed the opportunity.

Bernie and I went to GNC and bought some pre-packaged Myoplex protein shakes, which will now be my breakfast that I take to work. That should take care of the problem with instant cereals, or eating too fast on my way out the door in the morning.

I made some crock-pot chili last night and had it for lunch today. Delicious, and it's sitting nicely in the stomach pouch.

You know, life ain't bad.

Not Much New

Not much new to say, except I fell below 290. 289 and declining.

Bernie's Got A New Ride

Well, after a week or more of test-driving, researching, pricing, negotiating, changing her mind, test-driving again, etc., Bernie finally made up her mind and chose a new Toyota Corolla.

...then had buyers remorse 5 minutes after signing the papers. Too bad - it's ours now. She likes it, but she misses her old car, too.

Four Little Things

Four little but very positive changes I've noticed since I had surgery:

1. My face has totally cleared up. I used to have an outbreak about once a month. Now I don't even have blackheads on my nose.

2. No more C-PAPs machine. I haven't used it in a week, and the last two times I tried, I woke up and wanted the mask off. I'm sleeping great without it, and no back pain, either.

3. No more blood pressure medicine. I swear, when I was 26 and started needing BP meds, that's when my hair turned gray. I think some blond might be creeping back in now, but that could just be my imagination.

4. I'm cold. I'm cold all the time now, and I never felt cold in my life before this. Maybe this means I won't be hot and sweaty all the time this summer.

New Years Resolutions

First Mistake

Today marks my first screw-up. I made instant grits at work and didn't water them down enough and they swelled up in my stomach. I nearly threw up - had a couple of weak dry heaves - but they eventually went the right way, after some discomfort. I called the nurse and she congratulated me on not screwing up before this, and told me that I had no need to worry, just be more careful with grits and oatmeal in the future.

I'm 292.6 this morning. 40 pounds lighter. It seems like I'm losing about 2 lbs a day.

Sunday Morning update

This morning, the scale upstairs (The one that reads heaviest) said 297.

Dec 26 meals:
Breakfast: soft-scrambled egg
Lunch: pureed hot dog with cheese sauce
Dinner: refried beans with cheese sauce
Protein goal met
Water goal met

Dec 27 meals:
Breakfast: soft-scrambled egg, milk added
Lunch: Soft cheese (I chewed until it was liquid before swallowing)
Dinner: Beef rib puree
(I cooked this for four hours at low heat in the oven, then put in the food processor with the broth that cooked out of it and it was delicious)
Extra: A scoop of sugar-free ice cream
Protein goal: Failed - I didn't make a shake all day.
Water goal: Failed, but I drank a whole 20 oz bottle of G2 over the course of the day.

We walked around the neighborhood on the 26th for exercise, and yesterday, though we didn't walk, we did go to the Super Wal-Mart twice and walked around the store while shopping.

299

299

Season's Eatings

First of all - the bottom line: Dec 25 - 301 lbs. That's 32 lbs lost. I expect I'll be well below the 300 mark by Monday, when I go back to work, and I'll never ever see that "3" digit in the first position on the scale again. Once I'm cleared for strenuous exercise, I'm going to work my butt off to get to 250 as quick as I can. I'm beginning to think that sub-200 lbs is a distinct possibility by the end of 2009. I've been slack on the walking due to the holiday. That will change tomorrow, I promise.

I got a totally cool 3-cup food processor for Christmas. The huge one we have was impractical to keep cleaning for such small portions.

Meals (approx 1/4 cup portions):
Dec 24 - breakfast: grits
Dec 24 - lunch: shepherd's pie
Dec 24 - dinner: refried beans with guacamole, cheese and sour cream
Dec 25 - breakfast: runny scrambled egg and grits
Dec 25 - lunch: ham puree with green pea puree and turkey broth
Dec 25 - dinner: organic peanut butter

I probably didn't get my protein goal on Christmas Eve. I'm pretty sure I did today, since I had a double-strength protein shake in the afternoon, and three high-protein meals.

Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas lunch were absolutely delicious, and Christmas lunch was made using my new food processor. Awesome!

Good Tidings

Not only do I convey good tidings to my readers for the holiday, but I have good tidings to convey of my recovery as well.

No more stitches. They all dissolved today. The tape over them was itching like crazy, so I peeled it all off after softening them up in my shower this morning and there were no stitches underneath. The wounds look 90% healed, and after getting rid of the tape, the itching has stopped.

I did hit up against the stomach capacity limit today while drinking a protein shake. Felt like I had a reflux coming up (not a burning acid one, though). I kept it down, but now I have been reminded to not drink thick liquids so fast. Cheap lesson.

Tonight we go over to my folks' house for Christmas Eve dinner. We'll see what I'm able to eat.

Arguments

I would like to reflect on an issue that will come up for just about anyone having weight loss surgery.

Family - and what to do about their opinions and attempts to control you.

I have in front of me a printout of the pureed/blenderized diet guidelines that the doctor and nutritionist gave me. To summarize, it says:

• You will be on pureed/blenderized foods for a month, in addition to the clear liquids you have already been taking. (and it explains why)
• You may not have concentrated sweets or simple sugars. (and it explains why)
• No gum (for obvious reasons, but it explains why anyway)
• Avoid gastric irritants like chili powder and hot sauce and caffeine.
• No carbonated beverages.
• Don't drink within 30 minutes of a meal.
• Portion size should be 1/4 of a cup of pureed foods, 3 times a day.
• Increase fluids to 64 oz a day.
• Protein goal is 70-90 grams a day.

So, my mom calls me yesterday and asks what I've had to eat. I tell her I had grits for breakfast, and had mushed up Turkey Spam into a puree with chicken broth and mayo for lunch. She went ballistic. You see, the rules given above - which couldn't be any clearer to me - were interpreted differently by my mother. She thinks it means:

• Only eat wholesome foods
• Don't mix ingredients
• Nothing out of a can
• Nothing fattening
• You should be eating baby food

So we argue. Despite having written in black and white the absolute rules and the freedom between the lines - she wants to criticize my choices.

Folks, being fat means that you are at the mercy of every well-meaning person out there that wants to criticize you. Because, as we all know, if we had just followed their advice, we'd have never gotten fat in the first place. There's an idiot on a sports message board that I go to whose opinion is that fat people are all losers because we're incapable of following a few simple rules regarding burning more calories than we take in. Like it's that simple. Well, he thinks it is and therefore all the fat people in the world are just losers.

Anyway, one of the most important reasons for having this surgery was to get "My Diet" off the list of things that it's OK for someone else to criticize. Really, who asked for their opinions in the first place?

So get ready, anyone who wants Weight Loss Surgery in the future - these people will not give up their favorite subject easily. Critics will be critics, and after you lose your hundred-or-so pounds, they'll find something else to criticize.

Advice for Future Roux-en-Y Patients

Here's my first round of advice for those who are contemplating doing this surgery in the future:

In the hospital:

1. Gas-X strips (the ones that melt on the tongue). Take them to the hospital with you.
2. Walk as much as you can while still in the hospital. Do it 30 minutes after every dose of pain medicine - right when it kicks in. Walking prevents pain.
3. Get someone to stay with you in the hospital. If you wait for a nurse to help you walk, you won't walk enough. Don't be at the mercy of the call button.
4. Males - get the catheter out as soon as you can. Make whatever deals you have to make with the nurses or doctor or devil. Walking with the catheter really sucks. If you prove to them that you can get to the bathroom whenever you need to, they should agree.
5. Learn your pain meds and how long it takes for them to kick in and how fast they wear off. Try to be asleep when they wear off and plan activities for when they're fresh.
6. Sit up in a chair as much as you can. Heck, you can use the hospital bed to do no-effort sit-ups. The idea is to move things around in your abdomen to get the gas to settle out.
   

At home:

1. Continue walking as much as possible.
2. Find a nice recliner to sleep in, preferably one that rocks so you can use momentum to get out of it instead of your abs.
3. Figure out ways to avoid using your ab muscles.
4. You won't start passing solid waste until you start on pureed foods. Have Milk of Magnesia around in preparation for that day. Take it before you have to. Your pain meds cause constipation, and your ab muscles are NOT ready to push that hard.
5. Ever consider a bidet? Mine saved my life today. It beats a hot-water bottle.
6. Get off the pain meds as soon as you can.
7. Don't get impatient with your 'nurse'.

Checkpoint 1: Start of Week 2

Original Weight: 333 lbs
Current Weight: 305 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 28 lbs
Weight Loss Since Surgery: 15 lbs

This morning, I ate some thin grits made with chicken broth - about 1/4 cup. They seem to be digesting comfortably. After eating that much, I am no longer hungry. So far, so good.

UPDATE:
Lunch and dinner were Spam Turkey mushed up with mayo. The big news is that the digestive system became fully functional today, with the help of Philips' Milk of Magnesia and the bidet I installed in the master bath. Thank God for that thing.

No pain meds today. I am now officially medication-free. We're going shopping tonight at Wal-Mart to find some tastier things to puree. I have in mind some sort of pizza-mush, or hot dog with mustard puree. I haven't had meat in weeks, folks.

Some Questions Still Remain

Here I am, six days removed from surgery, and some mysteries haven't been solved yet.

For instance:

• So far, all I've had are clear liquids and I haven't noticed any "full" sensation from my new small stomach pouch. Either the fluids (and this includes Jello) are pouring right through the stomach without pause, or I haven't approached the limit yet. Not that I'm anxious to push it. I wonder just how small that pouch actually is?
  
  
• I've had "interest" in food, but no hunger pangs. I wonder when this will occur, or is that something I'll never have again? (God, please let it be so)
  
  
• I keep wondering what will happen to the larger part of the stomach that no longer has a full-time job. It's still complaining loudly and producing gas and nothing else of benefit. Is it eventually going to accept its new role and shut up? Is it going to go crazy and dump a bunch of acids into my bowels when I start on pureed food?
  
  
  
  
• Also regarding the unemployed stomach - what happens in the future if I catch a stomach virus? Do I have two separate cases of nausea?
  
  

Saturday Update

I slept all night horizontal in my bed and felt like a million bucks when I woke up. I feel strong, but probably a little too much, as I started mouthing off at Bernie when she scolded me for not taking my vitamin and before I knew it, I'd started a fight. I feel so stupid. I know I can't treat her the same way I do when my mom is looking after me. Mom's got a much thicker skin than Bernie does and just shoves it back in my face, but when I sass Bernie, it hurts her. I had to spend a couple of hours putting things right after that.

Anyway, I put on some "man pants" and went and got my hair cut, which was badly needed thanks to the pre-surgery high protein diet making it grow ultra-fast.

Later on, I persuaded Bernie to take me to the pharmacy so I could buy some Gas-X strips and Milk of Magnesia, which is what the doctor recommended for whenever my digestive system starts working again.

Bernie isn't eating properly. She's sympathy dieting and I have to put a stop to it as she's only 100 lbs to begin with. I'm not certain she had lunch or dinner today.

Anyway, I'm doing great. I've got ketone-breath, so I know I'm losing weight and burning fat. I'll step on the scales in the morning and see what I'm down to. I'm also working on photoshopping some slides to explain exactly what was done to me, which I will post on here eventually.

Only two more days, and I can have blenderized real food.

Friday Update

Not much new to report. Discomfort level is better today. Drank a lot of water and protein drink. Actually ate some jello, which went down smoothly - better than some of the stuff I'm drinking. I'm starting to show some small level of interest in food, although I can't have solids yet. I'm going to try to sleep in the bed tonight and see how hard it is to get out of it in the morning.

The drain wound oozed just the tiniest bit - enough to make a little stain on the gauze. I think it's starting to close up. Gas pains are no longer a problem.

I really think that the good night's sleep I got last night paid off handsomely. I hope to improve on that tonight. I might let Dad take me in the car to get a haircut in the morning as the protein diet from the past two weeks made it grow amazingly fast.

In other news, I heard that a childhood friend passed away from cancer last month and it's bummed me out a bit. I learned while I was in the hospital that a college friend had been arrested for something heinous, so that's two tragic stories in the same week.

First Day Home

I spent the night sleeping in the recliner last night. Good choice, because I can get in and out of it without using too many abdominal muscles. I got a 1.5 hour stretch of sleep and then about 4 hours after I walked, took some meds, and had my vitals recorded by my mom. Bernie finally got some sleep in a real bed.

This morning, I went upstairs (under supervision) and showered. My incisions aren't bad at all, but they are beginning to show purple bruises so they look 'interesting' - especially one on my right side. The place where the drain used to be is a big hole that looks like it was made with a corkscrew and it is an open wound. They told me to shower as normal and to leave the drain wound uncovered so it would stay dry. Well, I'm compromising, since I don't like to look at it. I've covered it with a layer of gauze so that it still gets plenty of air, but it's not getting touched accidentally. I've got very little pain, and none of it is specific pain, just general discomfort, like a huge bruise.

Now that I'm clean and presentable, I feel much more human.

Irritating note of the day: The scale that has already incurred my wrath once now says I weigh more than I did to begin with. I think I'm going to have to pitch it and get another one.

The Skinny on Weight Loss Surgery

Cool title to this post, huh? :)

I'll start this narrative with waking up from surgery. The nurses in recovery gave me ice chips (only a couple of pellets, though) which they probably shouldn't have. I felt like I couldn't get enough air, which is a common theme for me when I'm in pain. They gave me oxygen and put me on my C-PAP machine (a little machine that delivers pressurized air to my nose so I don't stop breathing while I sleep), but it still didn't help me feel like I was getting enough air. Eventually, they moved me to ICU so they could monitor my blood oxygen continuously. I stayed there through the first night. The surgeon visited, then gave orders that I was not to use the C-PAP machine that night (he didn't want it to inflate my stomach pouch and stretch it), which meant I had apnea all night even though they gave me oxygen. I must have woken up every fifteen minutes from midnight to 6 am. I was lucky to have a chatty nurse that kept me company. I got up and walked around a little with her help.

The next day, they moved me to a regular room. I walked twice more. It isn't easy to walk with a catheter. My abdomen felt like it was inflated to twice normal size and everything inside was bruised. My abs were cramping and standing up stretched them and all the stitches inside and out very painfully. This is when I got to know my pain medicines. Toradol is an IV analgesic which they gave me every 6 hours. It lasted for four. I had the magic morphine button, but I quickly discovered that all morphine did for me was make me sleepy and didn't kill pain at all. Midway through the second day, they gave me Lortab liquid, which is what I have here at home, and that seems to actually make it bearable.

The worst part? Gas. The large portion of the stomach which they leave behind and disconnect from the esophagus is having denial issues about its demotion and is producing huge quantities of gas which have nowhere to go but down the intestines. Since they use a muscle blocker on the entire digestive tract, this gas doesn't move fast and hurts like a real SOB. The best remedy? Walking. The most painful thing to do in that situation? Getting out of a hospital bed when all your abdominal muscles are cramping up and standing up and stretching all those muscles and incisions. Once I figured out the timing of the pain medications, I was able to walk more often.

Today, I woke up and I was determined to do two things: Get rid of the catheter, and pass gas. I managed to do both by 6am and my life improved dramatically.

I forgot to mention that day one, I was allowed nothing by mouth - no water, no anything. I got to swab out my mouth with a little sponge on a stick and moisten my throat and lips with it. Day 2, I was allowed 30ml of water each hour. That means I got to wet my tongue and breathe the fumes every fifteen minutes. Today, I got all the water I could handle, which still wasn't a lot.

So anyway, tonight, I am at home, sipping Isopure clear protein beverage, and feeling almost human, and passing gas like crazy. I'm probably due to take some Lortab in a few minutes. Oh, and I can actually get real sleep tonight because I'm finally allowed to use my C-PAP machine again.

PS: I had a drain in one of my incisions. I had no idea how deep this drain went until they pulled it out right before I was discharged. I now know EXACTLY how it feels to be run through with a sword.

Der Tag ist Hier!

Well, tomorrow's the big day. I had a protein shake at 7:30 and that's my last sustenance before surgery. The bag is packed and ready to go. We'll leave the house around 8am and the operation starts at 11am.

I am not nervous for some reason. I am just ready to get this over with and get on with my life. Bernie, however, is terrified.

Anyone that has free time tomorrow after 11 o'clock, would you mind giving her a call and trying to settle her nerves? I'd appreciate it.

The doctor called me this afternoon and wanted to know if I had last-second questions or concerns. I sure didn't expect that. We really didn't have much to ask, since they've done a good job of keeping us informed of what we need to do.

I probably won't be back on the blog until I get home. If everything goes right, that'll be Wednesday. Stay tuned!

Monday, Monday...

Had to work in an actual store today. My company asks us to spend a day working in a store that needs "holiday help" once a year. As usual, I come through it wondering what I'd do if I had to work that hard for that little money. It also makes me appreciate the work that actually keeps the company afloat. We have some smart people running our company (the ones at the very top, I mean - middle management, as usual, is full of morons).

I stepped on the scale Sunday morning and it said I had lost 20 pounds. I took the "one serving of meat per week" option as a reward. This morning, the scale took back 12 of those pounds, so I have no idea what I weigh, and I'm ticked off that my expensive digital scale is so inconsistent.

The point of the two-week liquid (plus veggies) diet is to shrink the liver and not necessarily to lose weight, anyway.

So now, I'm back on liquids and veggies only for the rest of the week, then a day of starvation prior to undergoing the knife next Monday. Somewhere in there is a holiday party that will tempt me greatly with lots of finger-food around. I'm going to it anyway and I'll just have to be strong, that's all.

I'm debating skipping band practice tomorrow, but I think I need to go. I'm just feeling lazy and as insignificant as one last rehearsal before a month-long break is, I'd probably feel bad for missing it.

That's all my thoughts for today.

Computer Troubles

Today is day 6 of the liquid diet, and it's officially gotten old. Today for dinner, I mixed curry paste with my cream of chicken soup and dumped in my veggies to make some sort of neo-laksa. It was about 5% as good as the real thing, which is about 100 times better than anything I've eaten lately. I'm eating a sugar-free snack pack of chocolate pudding as I write this, while Bernie is entertaining Fio and James at a Chinese buffet.

I'm trying not to think about chinese buffets.

Earlier this week, my computer decided to start randomly rebooting like it did when it was new and needed warranty work. Since it is now long out of warranty, I made an appointment at a local repair place (thereby losing my geek card permanently). After disconnecting it, I realized I should probably clean up any sensitive information on the hard drive first, and then I discovered it wouldn't boot up at all. So much for that idea.

Anyway, it turns out the power supply is toast and the video card too. The video card was probably the cause of the reboots, because it continued to cause them after the power supply was replaced. Once it was removed from the equation, the system was stable again. The repair shop replaced the power supply for me ($75 labor, $25 part).

In the meantime, Bernie's new PC arrived (this was a Christmas present, which I don't feel like wrapping, so she gets it early), and it needs a video card, so we drove down the street to a computer shop that the repair guy recommended. I bought two video cards, and decided to expand my system's memory to 2GB so I wouldn't be too far behind my wife's new PC, which has 3GB.

It turns out the guys who run the place are Chinese, and their parents are Malaysians who moved to Hong Kong, then moved the family to Charlotte 15 years ago. This probably marks only the third time we've run into Malaysians (I consider them Malaysian, even though they were born in Hong Kong) in Charlotte in the last 3 years, and all of them own their own businesses. Bernie got to chat with them in Cantonese, which made her happy.

So, to sum up, I've lost about 15 pounds in a week on the liquid diet, which I'm getting tired of. I have my PC working again with more memory and a better video card. Bernie has a new PC. Fio and James are visiting us, and we met a couple of Chinese Malaysians from Hong Kong in Charlotte. Oh, yes, I nearly forgot - the Christmas tree is up.

Day Two of Liquid Diet

Well, I checked this morning and thanks to the stomach bug and day one of the liquid diet, I'm about 10 pounds less already.

So far, it's not so bad. The shakes taste good and fill me up for about an hour. I'm filling in the gaps with carrots and Weight Watcher's yogurt. Some cream of chicken soup is lunch, and a salad with low-fat, low-sugar dressing is dinner. I even skipped the fourth shake last night because I didn't need it once I quit watching TV and all the McDonalds commercials.

The real trouble is when I smell food that I can't have. So far, that hasn't been so bad.

Diet Starts Two Days Early

Well, it looks like I'm starting my liquid diet two days early, thanks to Mr. Stomach Flu. Dad had it last week and got better right before Thanksgiving, so I think I have to blame it on him.

Skip the next paragraph if you don't want the gory details.

My stomach, which was already full because I got no warning whatsoever of getting sick, started filling up with gas and blew up to the size of a basketball before I mercifully got nauseated enough to throw up. That was not pleasant at all, but I completely emptied my stomach and scared the dickens out of Bernie because when I vomit, it sounds like a violent murder. I felt better for about 10 minutes, then the bloating started again. The rest of the night was spent waking up every hour to run to the toilet or to sit up so I could belch up the gas. I made sure I took a couple of sips of water each time so I wouldn't get dehydrated.

Then the fever started and every muscle in my body is throbbing and trying to cramp up. I've taken two Alleve this morning and it's starting to kick in, so I only feel moderately sick at the moment.

I guess I should be thankful, because Dad couldn't manage to vomit for three days and suffered a lot, while I got it over with in a couple of hours.

However, Bernie is now complaining of being nauseated - and that's not fair at all.

Anyhow, that's just more weight loss for me prior to surgery, I guess.

A Funny Story

I showed the Lenovo computer online to Bernie and it has two features that were interesting.

First, it has an anti-bacterial keyboard. Cool, huh?
Second, it has a big button on the keyboard that gives you one-click access to anti-virus and recovery features.

Bernie looked at that and asked me how the keyboard cleans off bacteria when you press the button.

So I laughed and said it must release a mist of antibacterial solution when you press it.

She figured it out a second later and whacked me on the shoulder while I was laughing uncontrollably.

Black Friday

I love Black Friday. Usually, I spend Thanksgiving night making a game plan and get up early on Friday and try to get as many things on my list as I can, spending money like it was water.

This year...not so much.

It's sad, but there wasn't a darn thing I could say was a "must-have" item in any of the two-inch-thick stack of ads in the newspaper yesterday. I briefly debated going out and getting a new TV, but I really can't justify the expense, nor can I say that the deals out there were all that good.

Plus, I'm getting a reputation as the guy who buys a new TV every year. Can't have that.

I made a list and checked it twice and there was nothing worth my time and effort this year.

Anyway, I know that Bernie needs a new computer. She's been using my 5 year old hand-me-down PC ever since we got married, and while it's still working fine, it's a little slow for her.

So I looked in the ads and no one has a great deal on a desktop PC this year! The best one I could find was Office Depot had a HP Dual-core system for $399, and that's just not cheap enough to justify getting up at 4 am.

I ended up going online and finding a Lenovo IdeaCentre with slightly better specs for $437 and free shipping, so Bernie's getting her new computer for Christmas after all. I think we'll keep the old one around for her Dad to use when he comes to visit sometime next year.

Free baking tip

Take it from me, this made a world of difference, sort of like when the guy who invented the wheel showed it off to his friends.

Baking tip:
When rolling out dough, roll between two pieces of plastic wrap.

That one tip changed my world tonight. Wow. No more flouring the countertop and tearing the dough on the rolling pin. Plastic wrap. Like, wow. Whoda thunk it?

Char Siew is the word of the day

Since the Tar Heels, Panthers, and my fantasy football team have all decided to go into the tank this weekend. I needed a cheer-up. So, in the name of cleaning out the freezer, I turned all the pork into Char Siew, which is Chinese BBQ pork, and one of my favorite things in Malaysia.

Especially Seremban Siew Paus, which are flaky buns filled with minced Char Siew pork. Ahhh...Malaysia. I miss it so.

Nearing the beginning

As of today, I have 10 days left in which I can eat 'normally'. Meaning, like I always have eaten.

As of Nov 30, I am on a liquid, high-protein diet. With raw veggies as my only solids.
This will continue for two weeks, when I check into the hospital for my gastric bypass surgery.

Following surgery, I will be ingesting only ice chips for two days, followed by clear liquids for a week (including soluble protein powder, 70g a day), followed by thicker liquids for another week or two. Then I get to eat pureed foods only, 1/4 cup each meal (if I can handle that much, which most people don't) for a few more weeks, following which I can have soft foods in the same amounts for about a month. After that, I can start working in foods that require a little bit of chewing, but the 1/4 cup quantities will be all that I will be able to fit into my stomach for the better part of a year.

The upshot of this is that by the time I work up to eating semi-normal foods in 1/2 cup sized meals, I should have lost approximately 120 pounds of excess weight.

Thanksgiving dinner will be, almost literally, my last supper.

I consider this to be a fitting end to a lifetime of unhealthy habits and the beginning of a new lifetime of new rules.

Say goodbye to the fat guy while he's here, everyone!

Removing some Blogs from my list

I hate Facebook. I really do.

I once had friends that kept blogs. Since I moved from Raleigh, this was my only way to really keep up with how they were doing, what they were thinking, etc.

When they all joined facebook, I realized that this would be the end eventually, and, unfortunately, it's come true. Now, instead of being able to read about the important things that happen to them in life, or getting their true feelings on current events, I get a one-sentence feed of their grocery trips, moods, what they had for lunch, and generally very little of interest.

Unfortunately, this has also stunted my interest in posting on my blog, and thus, you see fewer posts from me.

I'm pledging to reverse that trend and try to post more often and even when I have little to actually say, I'm going to try to be creative and get on with my story.

In the meantime, I'm going to remove the 'dead' blogs from my blogroll. With much sadness and regret. I'm afraid the popularity of facebook and twitter spell the end of the blog.

I knew it all along, of course

Cherokee

Bernie and I discovered on Monday that we had a football-free weekend, so we sort of looked at each other and said "Let's go to Cherokee and gamble!" So I got us a cheap hotel room for Saturday night and we drove up there. Turns out there was a hot-rod show going on so we got some unexpected entertainment looking at all the old cars. We played lots of slots, lost a little money, and had a good time.

We're just getting home now after a long drive. Funny how the drive home seems 10x longer than the drive up there.

PS: We got gas for $2.15 a gallon in South Carolina on the way home.

Twenty Years' Hard Labor - Part II

Gary awoke on the cold, steel bunk. To the right of the cell, he could hear the noise of the security door being opened. It was still dark, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see a dim shape approaching his cell, accompanied by the noise of a metal cart. The light of his cell abruptly snapped on, blinding him.

"Prisoner to the front of the cell!" shouted the guard.

Sleepily, Gary swung out of the bunk and shuffled to the front of the prison cell. Yesterday, he had been transferred to the state penitentiary. He hadn't heard from his lawyer in three days and assumed the worst.

"What's happening now?" he asked.

"Turn around so I can cuff you." said the guard. As he did so and the cuffs were fastened on his wrists, the guard said, "This gentleman here will be escorting you to the infirmary where you can be outfitted to begin serving your sentence."

Gary looked over his shoulder and saw that the guard was accompanied by an orderly with a hospital gurney. He turned around and saw that the gurney cart came equipped with restraints for his arms and ankles. A sudden wave of fear washed over him as he realized where he was going and how little time he had left as a living, thinking human being.

"Hey, that won't be necessary. I'll come quietly. I can walk - you can even put the leg shackles on me!" he pleaded.

The guard shoved the cell door open and put Gary in a restraining hold. "I assure you," said the orderly, as he stuck a needle into Gary's arm, "the cart is absolutely necessary, and you won't be walking."

The world swam around Gary's head. In his panic, he tried to fight out of the guard's grip, but he could feel his muscles going slack. Everything grayed out.

UNC Blows out Boston College

45-24 (BC's last 7 was a end of game gift). This was a satisfying victory, with UNC claiming 3 more interceptions (leads the country), and Hakeem Nicks scoring 4 touchdowns.


PS: Next installment of "Twenty Years' Hard Labor" tomorrow.

Twenty Years Hard Labor - Part I

I've been reading an anthology of horror stories - all about zombies.

So I'm inspired to try to write my own "living dead" story, and I've decided to write it on this blog. Hope y'all enjoy it.


********************************************************

“Twenty years of hard labor. Bailiff, escort him out of the courtroom.”

Gary sat in stunned silence. He looked over at his lawyer and received a sorrowful look for his trouble.

“Look, Gary, we can appeal. I’ll file it right away. We can probably get you out on bail while you wait for it to be heard. We will beat this thing, OK?”

Gary nodded, his mind whirling. Don was supposed to be the best, but from the first moment Gary had stepped in the courtroom two weeks ago, nothing had gone as the lawyer had told him it would. He felt the world crashing down around him now, and his legs were so shaky he needed help from Don and the bailiff in order to stand up and walk around the defendant’s table.

“You going to be okay, Gary?” the lawyer asked.

“No. I’m going to have the life sucked out of me - even though I’m innocent. Of course I’m not going to be okay!” Gary said sharply.

“I’ll come to see you tomorrow morning so we can sign the appeal papers,” said Don. “I’ll have you out on bond before they can chip you, okay?”

“Sure, whatever.” Gary replied. He turned his back on the lawyer and looked at the bailiff. “Let’s go.”

The bailiff clamped one cuff around Gary’s wrist, put his arms behind his back, and fastened the other cuff. Gary could feel the chill of the cold metal and realized that in a couple of days, coldness might be the only thing he would be able to feel. He shivered. Together, he and the bailiff walked slowly to the holding cell that would be his home for the next 24 hours.

“Twenty years as a zombie…” said the bailiff. “hope you enjoy it. The girl you killed wasn’t much older than twenty.”

“I…didn’t….kill….anybody, you moron,” growled Gary. “I was going to marry that girl, in case you weren’t paying attention at the trial. I am the last guy who would want to hurt her!” Now his thoughts turned to Mary Ann and the night he came home and found her lying on the kitchen floor of their apartment, broken and bloody.

“So you’re innocent, just like everybody else, huh?” snorted the bailiff. “If I had a dime for every ‘innocent man’ we send to the graveyard shift, I’d be rich.”

They reached the cell, and the bailiff closed the door. Gary turned around so he could unfasten the cuffs through the bars. “See ya around, zombie!” taunted the bailiff, spinning the cuffs on his finger as he walked away.

Triple-Birthday Party

We had a birthday party for my Mom, my grandfather Carlton, and his friend Anne today at our house. Bernie did most of the work, but I contributed a mess of grilled chicken wings using the famous family rib rub and secret sauce, and some mini-barbeque sandwiches. Bernie made some Gyro-ish rollups using tzatziki sauce, chopped olives, and feta cheese, and she also made her Parmesan cheese puffs and some molasses cookies, and we served some store-bought mini-quiches and fried wontons. My sister brought some homemade mac & cheese and her patented devilled eggs.

We got an ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins. Mango Sophistication, no less. It was awesome, but I had to cut it with the electric knife, it was so hard.

We kept the nephews entertained with the Wii and some toys and a gingerbread halloween house.

Add in a big Panthers victory, and it was a pretty good day.

PS: I'm going to be selling my "Rib Rub & All-purpose BBQ Spice" at Bernie's craft fair next month.

Dim Sum

We went to the Dragon Garden for Dim Sum this morning. Got there right as they opened up and took the first table. Bernie and I resolved last night that we would limit ourselves to just one fried item - all the rest would be steamed.

Oh...God...the...best...Dim Sum...EVER!!!
(note: pictures are not of the actual food we ate)





Shumai, Chicken Gyoza, Pork Potstickers, Short Ribs, Tofu-skin dumplings, Taro puffs. Yum!

Nothing to See Here

Sorry folks, not much to talk about this week. I promise that I'll post something as soon as I get over this writer's block.

VP Debate - Palin vs. Biden

BOOOOOOOOOOOORRRINGGGGGGG!!!!

I really wanted there to be some entertainment value from this debate. There was none.

The good news is that Palin held her own and did a lot to dissipate the hate-filled disparagements of her intelligence that have gone on all week.

I can't wait to hear what the fact-checkers are going to come up with from Biden's statements. I don't think he has McCain's voting record memorized like he pretended.

Incredible Charlotte Factoid

I was reading the local news website and ran across this statement:

According to CMPD, 80 percent of all crime in Charlotte can be linked to just 400 criminals who repeatedly walk out of the county jail and go back to committing crimes.

Wow. I knew that the courts were slack here in Charlotte, but that statistic is just amazing.

Maybe we should do what some cities do with homeless people - buy them a one-way ticket to some other city across the country.

Concert Accomplished!

The first concert as a member of the Charlotte Concert Band is complete. Despite no one in Charlotte being able to leave home due to a lack of fuel, we had pretty decent attendance. The new tuxedo held up and so did my lower lip. The key that I had fixed on my sax is sticking again, however. I think I need to spend an hour on saxophone maintenance sometime soon.

Secondly, the Tar Heels managed to beat Miami in Miami today. The season seems to be looking upward again, despite losing our starting QB last week. We're 3-1 and have a good chance to finish with 7 or 8 wins if everything stays normal.

Thirdly, I got The Force Unleashed for the Wii today. This is the lightsaber game I mentioned months ago. My arm is already sore from hacking and slashing, but this game ROCKS! I totally need online partners to duel with.

I'll Be There For You

I've got this damned Bon Jovi song stuck in my head, and worse! My brain keeps thinking of new lyrics for the chorus.

Original:
I'll be there for you...these my words I swear to you
When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you...

New versions:
When you sit, I wanna hold the chair for you
If you're naked, I'll strip down bare for you
If you've got a quarter, I'll call someone who cares for you
If you pick the truth, you know I'll do the dare for you
If you go deaf, you know I'll swab your ear for you
If you cheat, I'll lie and say it's fair for you
If you drive, you know I'll shift the gear for you
If you're dirty, you know I'll wash your hair for you
If you play, you know I'll shout a cheer for you
If you cave, I'll look out for a lair for you
If you ride a stallion, you know I'll ride the mare for you
If you're a child, I wanna be the au pair for you
If you want steak, you know I'll cook it rare for you
If you're up, you know I'll take the stairs for you
If you die, you know I'll shed a tear for you
On Halloween, there's nothing I won't wear for you
You go to jail, you know I'll wait a year for you
If you get old, I'll dye my hair grayer for you
If you get mooned, I'll bare my derriere for you
If you paint, I'll go and rent a sprayer for you
If you want, I'll listen to John Mayer for you
If you hunt, I'll track down all the deer for you
If you fly, I'll pilot a new Lear for you
If you drink, I'll buy up all the beer for you
If you want cheese, I wanna buy gruyere for you
If you're bored, I'll watch Fresh Prince of Bel Air with you
If you like Dune, I'll be Jose' Ferrer for you
On Halloween, I'll give the kids a scare for you

Someday, they'll come up with a cure for this condition.

This Morning's Breakfast

Three Hours and I'm Worn Out

I was admitted into the Charlotte Concert Band on Tuesday night, and participated in 3 hours of rehearsal for a concert taking place in two weeks. My lower lip is worn out. After 2 1/2 hours, it felt like a piece of leather that was nearly bitten in half. Then we played a song where the alto sax part had no rests. None. Zero. For the whole song. While they are playing, band members are usually thinking "please don't stop us" to the director. During this one, I was thinking "For the love of God, please cut us off!"

I had a blast, though. During my four days of frantic practicing, I only think I got back about 50% of my formerly mad skillz on the sax. Last night, I got to 65% after an hour. The first chair sax player wasn't there, but the rest of the section told me that she's one of those "unique" personalities and that meeting her would be an experience. I've met lots of musicians in my time, and I bet I won't be too surprised.

I need to get a spring replaced on my sax and the director gave me the number of a guy who can fix it. In Charlotte, there apparently aren't many places that do instrument repair in-house. I'm spoiled by my years in Raleigh where I could drive down the road to Marsh Woodwinds and talk saxophones and music with Rodney and the guys while they worked on my horn. How can a much bigger city like Charlotte lack so many things that Raleigh has?

Anyway, I'm happy to be back playing music again.

Charlotte - Home to Green Lanterns

Okay, call me a geek if you must...I just think it's weird that not one but two people with the same names as the superheroes named Green Lantern just happen to be prominent citizens of Charlotte NC.








All we need now is a Charlotte Bobcat player named Guy Gardner.

From Geek to Band Geek...again

Those of you who know me probably are aware that my social life, outside of my family, has been virtually zero since I moved to Charlotte four years ago. This week, I made a decision that should have been a no-brainer long ago.

I'm picking up the saxophone again.

I emailed the director of the Charlotte concert band, told him that I wanted to play, and he asked me come and play for him on Tuesday, rehearse with them that night, and play in their pops concert on Sept 27. I guess my resume impressed him enough that he's confident I can do that.

Now, I haven't played regularly since college (grad 1992), where I played in the wind ensemble, jazz band, marching band, pep band, etc. Back then, I probably played about 4 hours a day, despite being a Biology major. I've played a few times in a temporary capacity here and there over the years since, but it's been at least 4 years since I last practiced. When you get out of shape on the sax, your lower lip loses the callus that protects it from your bottom teeth. When you first start playing after losing that callus, it hurts and bleeds, and eventually toughens up. Since I have a short timetable to get back into form, I'm practicing as long as I can every night. Yesterday was painful, and tonight it is not nearly as bad.

The director wants me to play Alto Sax, which requires more pressure to play than the Tenor or Baritone, which I have more experience with. This makes the job a little tougher and I don't expect that I'm going to be as good as I used to be right away.

It still feels wonderful to be doing something I know I'm good at, though.

Happy Birthday Dear Bernie...

I hope I look that young when I'm 35.

Love you, darling! :)

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports...

Go Panthers!

Aside from not scoring TDs in the red zone, I thought the Carolina Panthers played a pretty nice game today, beating the San Diego Chargers on their field with a last-second TD.

It's Official!

Today, I got the news I've been waiting for all spring and summer.

I've been approved for bariatric surgery. The operation is a go, and the date is December 15 - 3 1/2 months away.

I haven't wanted to blog a lot about this subject because I didn't want to jinx it, but now it's going to become reality, so I'll be a lot more forthcoming in future blog posts. I am committed to following the doctor's instructions fully, and also to put it all in this blog so that I can look back on it in the future. Hopefully, by documenting this process, I'll be helping someone out in the future.

Warning - Depression
First things first - when I committed myself to doing this, the doctor warned that many people get depressed while waiting for approval. He wasn't kidding. This summer has been almost as depressive as my last two years of college, when I had a huge problem with motivation. If it weren't for my experiences with depression before, and the ability to recognize it and deal with it, I'd never have made it through to this point. Being married to a wonderful, loving and supportive person like Bernie was probably the best weapon against depression anyone could have - and I've leaned on her heavily. I haven't come through this completely unscathed, though. My attention span and energy this summer have been a fraction of what I'm used to, with crabby moods and paranoia mixed in.

Things that help
What's really helped, I realize, is the C-PAPS machine that helps me breathe easier while I sleep. I've had it for two weeks, and my mind has gotten much clearer since I started using it. My back pain and neck stiffness have cleared up as well, since I'm no longer sleeping on my stomach with an arched back. I'm still having problems getting out of bed in the morning, but the reasons have changed - I'm doing a lot more dreaming before the alarm goes off. I think that's actually a good sign. I seem to remember that in my psych classes in college that REM sleep (dreaming) only occurs after you exit the deep sleeping stage where your body gets its rest. Dreaming rejuvenates the mind, and you don't get enough of it if you aren't having restful sleep.

Things that hurt
All the appointments and specialists that you have to go to in order to qualify for the surgery really take their toll on you emotionally. Basically, you are having to face the reality that there is something wrong with you and your behavior. The guilt from that realization is what really drives you down in the dumps.

Anyway, that's all over now. I have only three more appointments to keep before surgery - one for blood work, one for the nutritionist to drill the pre and post-surgery diet into my brain again, and one for the surgeon to look me over one last time before operating.

The date I picked is good for several reasons. Firstly, it means that I can have one last Thanksgiving meal before starting the two-week liquid/protein diet. Secondly, it means that I can convalesce over the Christmas holidays and use less sick leave/vacation time. Thirdly, it means that I can start the new year as a new man.

Things that motivate me:
I remember what I looked like when I weighed 220 lbs. I looked like a linebacker. I'm 320 today. I think I can expect to be 220 by the six month mark post-surgery. That'll be June 15, 2009. The surgeon says that I can reasonably expect to get down to 180 before I start leveling off. I haven't been that weight since I graduated high school.

I want to buy clothes off the rack at department stores again. Ones with sizes that don't begin with "X".

I want to be able to walk outside in summer without sweating.

I want to be able to sleep comfortably on my back without a machine - or a fan.

I want to tuck a shirt in without having to blouse it out over my waistline.

I want to be able to tighten a belt and actually see what hole I'm using.

Walked Right Into A Trap

I had an appointment for a EGD yesterday - something I had been told would only take an hour or so. When the appointment nurse tells you that it'll only take an hour or so, you generally start to think that you'll be able to walk in, walk out, and go back to work, right?

Wrong.

Okay, an EGD is an upper gastrointestinal scan. This means they put a tiny little camera down your throat and take movies of your espohagus, stomach, and maybe even a little further down. Wikipedia says that it usually involves them numbing your throat, ramming the little wire down, reeling it back in, and then it's over.

Armed with this information, I of course felt that the pre-printed brochure they sent me in the mail that said "You will be sedated. Bring a family member with you to drive you home" was probably an exaggeration, or a worst-case scenario, or maybe it was for people that were having some other, more unpleasant procedure being done to them.

Of course you know where this is heading. The name of this blog is a dead giveaway.

So, having fasted since midnight, I had a 1pm appointment. This is already not fair. I get checked in and they tell me to put on the little hospital johnny gown. Uh-oh. At least I got to keep my shorts on. At this point, I know my assumptions were dead wrong, and I get on the phone to get Bernie to come so she can drive me home.

Surely enough, they wheel me into a little operating room, shoot me full of knockout juice, and the next thing I remember, I'm sitting up and a nurse is handing me a Coke with a straw. There's no rum in the Coke, but I definitely feel like I'm two drinks past tipsy. I remember them telling me to go home and sleep it off, but that's about all I remember from my appointment.

When my head clears, Bernie shows me the little printout with the pictures of the insides of my digestive tract. It's empty, and having been starved all day, I'm just lucid enough to demand she take me to the nearest Chinese buffet.

That was my Thursday. How was yours?

Sick

I really didn't need to get hit with a stomach virus, but it happened anyway. Now I've used 2 sick days that I needed to hoard for surgery (whenever that happens).

I've been excreting black sand and water for 1.5 days. Yuck. Couple that with a mild intermittent nausea, and I think that adds up to a norovirus. Pepto didn't seem to work at all, so I started eating probiotic yogurt this morning, and it seems to be fixing the problem, so I can go to work tomorrow.

I haven't really felt all that bad, but when you gotta go all the time, you can't go to the office.

Travelling Weekend

This weekend, we drove to Wilson, NC to have a reunion with the members of my grandmother's family. Nothing really spectacular to relate - Eastern NC BBQ from Parker's of Wilson is still the reigning champion of pig cuisine.

We stayed overnight in Raleigh with some friends, Phil and Selena, and did some catching up with my friend Bert on Sunday morning, then we headed home.

We did too much eating during this trip. I feel guilty.

Fitness assessment

Today, I had to get my fitness level assessed by the clinic. This is part of the requirements to qualify for surgery. Essentially, I was put on a treadmill and had to grade my effort on a 20 point scale at certain points of the exercise. Then I had to do push-ups. Then I had to show my flexibility by sitting flat with my feet against a wall and reaching forward to touch a sliding bar.

The treadmill scale was 1-20, with 16 being the point where you wouldn't be able to talk. I never got above 13 during the cycle, and my pulse topped out at 126, and was back down in the 80s two minutes after we changed to 'cool down' mode. I managed 12 push-ups (the normal kind) and I could have done more, only I had been leaning on the handgrips on the treadmill and my arms were partially asleep. I managed to touch the bar in the flexibility assessment, which the trainer told me most men couldn't manage to do.

All in all, the trainer told me I'm in pretty good shape, and I have a great attitude. She thinks I'll do wonderfully after the surgery. She was impressed that I've already started exercising and she even approved of the Master Cleanse that we did recently. She also told me that I have a lot of good dense muscle under the fat and that bodes well for not needing to have excess skin removed later on, as well as being a good indication of how much weight I can expect to lose.

Every appointment I've had during this process has been encouraging. I'm anticipating being fit, thin, and confident by this time in 2009.

For My Friend The Mommy Librarian...

25 most modern libraries in the world

OK, 5 days.

I got through the morning of the fifth day, and finally got an urgent message from my stomach saying "get some food in here immediately". So I broke.

Lunch was the broth from some black beans we made in the crockpot + a few beans. Dinner was onion soup (veggie broth with sauteed onions and a splash of red wine), and I had a bit of a wheat roll before bedtime.

Today's been a challenge, because I'm in the bathroom a lot. I think it's subsiding, though. Breakfast was an egg sandwich on toast, lunch was a bit of meat on that wheat roll with mayo. I'm drinking a lot of black tea, based on something I was told at the bariatric support group the other night.

I've really noticed my face is thinner, by the way.

Tomorrow, I assume I'll be back to normal, and I'll devise a diet plan so that I keep the weight trend going downward. I also have a sleep study tomorrow night.

It's Day Four

Four days on the Master Cleanse...only I can't drink the salt water flush because it makes me gag.

I'm not really in this for the cleanse anyway - this is for mental discipline purposes.

I kind of see this as a purging of the psychological need for eating. There's Mr. Eat-when-you're-bored over there, and I just had the master cleanse KGB agents throw him in the gulag. Mr. Eat-because-it's-time was executed and thrown to the dogs yesterday. We're still working on capturing Mr. Eat-because-you-smell-bojangles-and-you-just-gotta-have-it.

Anyway, it's day 4 without food. Yesterday was a real challenge. After dinner time (See how hard it is to purge the dependency on food? We define time by meals!) it was constant stomach growling and demanding food. Whenever you get that urge, you drink some of the lemonade, and it goes away. Reluctantly. The word 'satisfy' doesn't come into play here. The urge just goes away for awhile.

This morning, I noticed a difference in the mirror. My face is thinner. I can't pinch a lot of loose flesh on my face and neck. This is probably just 'water weight', but it is an encouraging sign nonetheless. I stepped on the scale and I think I've lost somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds in these four days. (Don't panic, folks. When you weigh what I do, that's not an alarming amount.)

Anyway - I find myself longing for the end of this experiment. The down side is that when you decide to quit, you still have to wean yourself back onto food slowly, so you can't just break down and get a cheeseburger. We'll see how much longer I can last.

My one goal is to last longer than Bernie. Even though she made it 7 days on the last attempt, she's having a harder time than I am this time.

Second Time Around

Two weeks ago, I decided to ask Bernie if she wanted to do the Master Cleanse again with me, and we started it again yesterday.

I decided that I needed an exercise in discipline, so far as food is involved, anyway. Basically, fasting for 10 days (only drinking the lemon drink for sustenance) should break the psychological ties to eating that tend to derail my attempts to lose weight.

If you'll recall, I made it 1 day on this cleanse last time, while Bernie made it 7 days (we had a family event, so she ended it early). Today is the beginning of the second day, and so far, so good. I wasn't actually hungry at all yesterday - while I did have some mild urges to eat, they were based on habit, not hunger, and were easy to resist.

I'm intending to go all the way on this one - 10 days. I'm still deciding if I want to follow that up with a week or so of liquid diet, or just with traditional dieting. My rationale is that this will definitely shrink my stomach and break the habits of eating, so dieting should be very easy after the cleanse.

I've probably told everyone that reads my blog this in person already, but just in case you don't already know - I'm intending to have a gastric bypass at the end of the year. I've met the criteria, and have been going to various appointments to get all the prerequisites out of the way for insurance, etc. Once I've done all that homework, I can get on the schedule for surgery. The surgeon told me that the more weight I can lose before the operation, the better my chances are for having zero complications. Therefore, I'm trying to diet, exercise, and think rationally about food. I'm also practicing things like chewing my food better, so that I can be better prepared for life after a bypass.

I'll make a longer, more detailed post about gastric bypass later on.

I Would Walk 5.8 miles...and I Would Walk 5.8 more...

Yesterday, on a wild suggestion from me on Friday, Bernie and I got up, put on our walking shoes, and hiked down the road to the place where I work. This is 5.8 miles, according to Google.

I was impressed. We got there in just less than 2 hours, so we averaged around 3 mph for the whole trip, and that time includes a 15 minute rest stop at the Matthews United Methodist Church where we filled water bottles and cooled off a bit.

Since this was a one-way trip, we had arranged for my parents to be standing by to pick us up, and despite not answering their cell phones, they found us and rescued us almost exactly at the end of the line.

We celebrated afterwards with lunch at Five Guys, and liberal doses of Alleve when we got home. We're a little sore today, but no real issues. I've been drinking water like crazy today.


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The July 4 Vacation

Well, we're back from our July 4 getaway! We took a long drive from Charlotte to Snead's Ferry, NC, back to Raleigh and Chapel Hill, and back to Charlotte, visiting many old friends on the way. We decided to take my new truck instead of Bernie's Elantra, despite the difference in MPG. This was primarily for our comfort, as well as to get some highway mileage on my truck.

First thing, we had a bad omen. As we departed on Thursday afternoon, while backing out of the garage, I ran over Bernie's suitcase. There was apparently some miscommunication over what "My bag is in the back of your truck" means, and some harsh words were exchanged. We only lost a little sunscreen that squeezed out of the bottles, and the suitcase was damaged badly, but deemed trip-worthy, and it will be de-commissioned following the trip. Eventually, we recovered from this episode and got on the road.

Following 6 hours of driving, one chicken and eastern NC bbq dinner, and two stops for cheap gas ($3.95 a gallon!), we arrived at Ron and Tammie's place. They live and work in Chapel Hill these days, but held on to their house at the beach when they moved. They keep a motor boat there at the neighborhood dock, which is about 100 yards from their door. Snead's Ferry is a town located at the mouth of the New River (one of the oldest rivers in North America), where it dumps into the ocean. There are three bodies of water important to this area - the river, the intercoastal waterway, and the ocean.



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We spent the day on Friday on the boat on the river. Ron and Tammie did some kneeboarding while the boat pulled them, and we stopped on a little sandbar island where we grilled hot dogs for lunch. I raked for clams and got about a dozen, which we packed in ice and took home. After treating our sunburn and washing off the salt, we had dinner - Ron and Tammie cooked fresh fish and shrimp they bought right off the fishing boat. We had grouper and flounder filets, silver queen corn, green beans, peel and eat shrimp, fried shrimp, and garlic butter shrimp.

After cleaning up dinner we all got on Ron's father's much bigger boat and went upriver to the marine base, where we dropped anchor offshore and watched the July 4 fireworks on the water. Bernie had been nervous about being on a boat for a long time right after dinner, but it turns out that Ron's father's boat actually has a little bathroom on board!

The next morning (Saturday), we all got up and went shopping for fresh seafood. Bernie and I had taken a cooler with us, planning on bringing back a bunch of shrimp, but we ended up getting shrimp, scallops, a tuna steak, as well as the clams I caught myself - all fresh off the boat and packed in ice.

After lunch, we said goodbye to Ron and Tammie and headed up the highway back to Raleigh. We stayed with my friends Phil and Selena at their new house. They've been moved in for about a month now, so we got to see all their new furniture and stuff. Their house made me really want a bonus room, because theirs is fantastic. We took them out to dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (really good soups there, I must say), and talked until we were exhausted and went to bed.

The next morning was Sunday, and we visited with Chris and Elizabeth and their children Athena and Marcus that morning, then drove to Chapel Hill to see my friends Michael and Emily and Rich. We had a nice long visit and saw the amazing renovations that Mike and Emily have done to their home since we were last there. We also got to see their youngest child Lucy, who was just an infant the last time I visited. After we reluctantly left Chapel Hill, we visited with my Aunt Les in Raleigh, then drove back to Charlotte in the rain and got home right at bedtime.

We really had a good time, even though that's a lot of driving. Today is Monday, but I took the day off beforehand, knowing I'd need a day to recuperate. Looking back, I think Bernie must have had a really good time. Before this trip, she was very nervous about going on a boat. She's also always a little self-conscious about visits with my old friends, because she thinks I might be homesick for Raleigh. In both cases, she did great, and I think she's happy with how well she gets along with all my friends and family. It seems like everybody loves her as much as I do, and she's just another one of the gang. I'm so proud of her, and I hope it shows.

Truck is Back

The truck has been fixed. They replaced a solenoid on an emissions canister or something like that in order to solve the "Check Engine" light. As far as the A/C goes, they can't find a problem. I know they tested it on Max, but really, the problem is when it is set to normal and the temp isn't consistent. I'm sure I'll have to take it back sometime in the future. (Sigh.)