Twenty Years' Hard Labor - Part II

Gary awoke on the cold, steel bunk. To the right of the cell, he could hear the noise of the security door being opened. It was still dark, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see a dim shape approaching his cell, accompanied by the noise of a metal cart. The light of his cell abruptly snapped on, blinding him.

"Prisoner to the front of the cell!" shouted the guard.

Sleepily, Gary swung out of the bunk and shuffled to the front of the prison cell. Yesterday, he had been transferred to the state penitentiary. He hadn't heard from his lawyer in three days and assumed the worst.

"What's happening now?" he asked.

"Turn around so I can cuff you." said the guard. As he did so and the cuffs were fastened on his wrists, the guard said, "This gentleman here will be escorting you to the infirmary where you can be outfitted to begin serving your sentence."

Gary looked over his shoulder and saw that the guard was accompanied by an orderly with a hospital gurney. He turned around and saw that the gurney cart came equipped with restraints for his arms and ankles. A sudden wave of fear washed over him as he realized where he was going and how little time he had left as a living, thinking human being.

"Hey, that won't be necessary. I'll come quietly. I can walk - you can even put the leg shackles on me!" he pleaded.

The guard shoved the cell door open and put Gary in a restraining hold. "I assure you," said the orderly, as he stuck a needle into Gary's arm, "the cart is absolutely necessary, and you won't be walking."

The world swam around Gary's head. In his panic, he tried to fight out of the guard's grip, but he could feel his muscles going slack. Everything grayed out.

UNC Blows out Boston College

45-24 (BC's last 7 was a end of game gift). This was a satisfying victory, with UNC claiming 3 more interceptions (leads the country), and Hakeem Nicks scoring 4 touchdowns.


PS: Next installment of "Twenty Years' Hard Labor" tomorrow.

Twenty Years Hard Labor - Part I

I've been reading an anthology of horror stories - all about zombies.

So I'm inspired to try to write my own "living dead" story, and I've decided to write it on this blog. Hope y'all enjoy it.


********************************************************

“Twenty years of hard labor. Bailiff, escort him out of the courtroom.”

Gary sat in stunned silence. He looked over at his lawyer and received a sorrowful look for his trouble.

“Look, Gary, we can appeal. I’ll file it right away. We can probably get you out on bail while you wait for it to be heard. We will beat this thing, OK?”

Gary nodded, his mind whirling. Don was supposed to be the best, but from the first moment Gary had stepped in the courtroom two weeks ago, nothing had gone as the lawyer had told him it would. He felt the world crashing down around him now, and his legs were so shaky he needed help from Don and the bailiff in order to stand up and walk around the defendant’s table.

“You going to be okay, Gary?” the lawyer asked.

“No. I’m going to have the life sucked out of me - even though I’m innocent. Of course I’m not going to be okay!” Gary said sharply.

“I’ll come to see you tomorrow morning so we can sign the appeal papers,” said Don. “I’ll have you out on bond before they can chip you, okay?”

“Sure, whatever.” Gary replied. He turned his back on the lawyer and looked at the bailiff. “Let’s go.”

The bailiff clamped one cuff around Gary’s wrist, put his arms behind his back, and fastened the other cuff. Gary could feel the chill of the cold metal and realized that in a couple of days, coldness might be the only thing he would be able to feel. He shivered. Together, he and the bailiff walked slowly to the holding cell that would be his home for the next 24 hours.

“Twenty years as a zombie…” said the bailiff. “hope you enjoy it. The girl you killed wasn’t much older than twenty.”

“I…didn’t….kill….anybody, you moron,” growled Gary. “I was going to marry that girl, in case you weren’t paying attention at the trial. I am the last guy who would want to hurt her!” Now his thoughts turned to Mary Ann and the night he came home and found her lying on the kitchen floor of their apartment, broken and bloody.

“So you’re innocent, just like everybody else, huh?” snorted the bailiff. “If I had a dime for every ‘innocent man’ we send to the graveyard shift, I’d be rich.”

They reached the cell, and the bailiff closed the door. Gary turned around so he could unfasten the cuffs through the bars. “See ya around, zombie!” taunted the bailiff, spinning the cuffs on his finger as he walked away.

Triple-Birthday Party

We had a birthday party for my Mom, my grandfather Carlton, and his friend Anne today at our house. Bernie did most of the work, but I contributed a mess of grilled chicken wings using the famous family rib rub and secret sauce, and some mini-barbeque sandwiches. Bernie made some Gyro-ish rollups using tzatziki sauce, chopped olives, and feta cheese, and she also made her Parmesan cheese puffs and some molasses cookies, and we served some store-bought mini-quiches and fried wontons. My sister brought some homemade mac & cheese and her patented devilled eggs.

We got an ice cream cake from Baskin-Robbins. Mango Sophistication, no less. It was awesome, but I had to cut it with the electric knife, it was so hard.

We kept the nephews entertained with the Wii and some toys and a gingerbread halloween house.

Add in a big Panthers victory, and it was a pretty good day.

PS: I'm going to be selling my "Rib Rub & All-purpose BBQ Spice" at Bernie's craft fair next month.

Dim Sum

We went to the Dragon Garden for Dim Sum this morning. Got there right as they opened up and took the first table. Bernie and I resolved last night that we would limit ourselves to just one fried item - all the rest would be steamed.

Oh...God...the...best...Dim Sum...EVER!!!
(note: pictures are not of the actual food we ate)





Shumai, Chicken Gyoza, Pork Potstickers, Short Ribs, Tofu-skin dumplings, Taro puffs. Yum!

Nothing to See Here

Sorry folks, not much to talk about this week. I promise that I'll post something as soon as I get over this writer's block.

VP Debate - Palin vs. Biden

BOOOOOOOOOOOORRRINGGGGGGG!!!!

I really wanted there to be some entertainment value from this debate. There was none.

The good news is that Palin held her own and did a lot to dissipate the hate-filled disparagements of her intelligence that have gone on all week.

I can't wait to hear what the fact-checkers are going to come up with from Biden's statements. I don't think he has McCain's voting record memorized like he pretended.

Incredible Charlotte Factoid

I was reading the local news website and ran across this statement:

According to CMPD, 80 percent of all crime in Charlotte can be linked to just 400 criminals who repeatedly walk out of the county jail and go back to committing crimes.

Wow. I knew that the courts were slack here in Charlotte, but that statistic is just amazing.

Maybe we should do what some cities do with homeless people - buy them a one-way ticket to some other city across the country.

Concert Accomplished!

The first concert as a member of the Charlotte Concert Band is complete. Despite no one in Charlotte being able to leave home due to a lack of fuel, we had pretty decent attendance. The new tuxedo held up and so did my lower lip. The key that I had fixed on my sax is sticking again, however. I think I need to spend an hour on saxophone maintenance sometime soon.

Secondly, the Tar Heels managed to beat Miami in Miami today. The season seems to be looking upward again, despite losing our starting QB last week. We're 3-1 and have a good chance to finish with 7 or 8 wins if everything stays normal.

Thirdly, I got The Force Unleashed for the Wii today. This is the lightsaber game I mentioned months ago. My arm is already sore from hacking and slashing, but this game ROCKS! I totally need online partners to duel with.

I'll Be There For You

I've got this damned Bon Jovi song stuck in my head, and worse! My brain keeps thinking of new lyrics for the chorus.

Original:
I'll be there for you...these my words I swear to you
When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you...

New versions:
When you sit, I wanna hold the chair for you
If you're naked, I'll strip down bare for you
If you've got a quarter, I'll call someone who cares for you
If you pick the truth, you know I'll do the dare for you
If you go deaf, you know I'll swab your ear for you
If you cheat, I'll lie and say it's fair for you
If you drive, you know I'll shift the gear for you
If you're dirty, you know I'll wash your hair for you
If you play, you know I'll shout a cheer for you
If you cave, I'll look out for a lair for you
If you ride a stallion, you know I'll ride the mare for you
If you're a child, I wanna be the au pair for you
If you want steak, you know I'll cook it rare for you
If you're up, you know I'll take the stairs for you
If you die, you know I'll shed a tear for you
On Halloween, there's nothing I won't wear for you
You go to jail, you know I'll wait a year for you
If you get old, I'll dye my hair grayer for you
If you get mooned, I'll bare my derriere for you
If you paint, I'll go and rent a sprayer for you
If you want, I'll listen to John Mayer for you
If you hunt, I'll track down all the deer for you
If you fly, I'll pilot a new Lear for you
If you drink, I'll buy up all the beer for you
If you want cheese, I wanna buy gruyere for you
If you're bored, I'll watch Fresh Prince of Bel Air with you
If you like Dune, I'll be Jose' Ferrer for you
On Halloween, I'll give the kids a scare for you

Someday, they'll come up with a cure for this condition.

This Morning's Breakfast

Three Hours and I'm Worn Out

I was admitted into the Charlotte Concert Band on Tuesday night, and participated in 3 hours of rehearsal for a concert taking place in two weeks. My lower lip is worn out. After 2 1/2 hours, it felt like a piece of leather that was nearly bitten in half. Then we played a song where the alto sax part had no rests. None. Zero. For the whole song. While they are playing, band members are usually thinking "please don't stop us" to the director. During this one, I was thinking "For the love of God, please cut us off!"

I had a blast, though. During my four days of frantic practicing, I only think I got back about 50% of my formerly mad skillz on the sax. Last night, I got to 65% after an hour. The first chair sax player wasn't there, but the rest of the section told me that she's one of those "unique" personalities and that meeting her would be an experience. I've met lots of musicians in my time, and I bet I won't be too surprised.

I need to get a spring replaced on my sax and the director gave me the number of a guy who can fix it. In Charlotte, there apparently aren't many places that do instrument repair in-house. I'm spoiled by my years in Raleigh where I could drive down the road to Marsh Woodwinds and talk saxophones and music with Rodney and the guys while they worked on my horn. How can a much bigger city like Charlotte lack so many things that Raleigh has?

Anyway, I'm happy to be back playing music again.

Charlotte - Home to Green Lanterns

Okay, call me a geek if you must...I just think it's weird that not one but two people with the same names as the superheroes named Green Lantern just happen to be prominent citizens of Charlotte NC.








All we need now is a Charlotte Bobcat player named Guy Gardner.

From Geek to Band Geek...again

Those of you who know me probably are aware that my social life, outside of my family, has been virtually zero since I moved to Charlotte four years ago. This week, I made a decision that should have been a no-brainer long ago.

I'm picking up the saxophone again.

I emailed the director of the Charlotte concert band, told him that I wanted to play, and he asked me come and play for him on Tuesday, rehearse with them that night, and play in their pops concert on Sept 27. I guess my resume impressed him enough that he's confident I can do that.

Now, I haven't played regularly since college (grad 1992), where I played in the wind ensemble, jazz band, marching band, pep band, etc. Back then, I probably played about 4 hours a day, despite being a Biology major. I've played a few times in a temporary capacity here and there over the years since, but it's been at least 4 years since I last practiced. When you get out of shape on the sax, your lower lip loses the callus that protects it from your bottom teeth. When you first start playing after losing that callus, it hurts and bleeds, and eventually toughens up. Since I have a short timetable to get back into form, I'm practicing as long as I can every night. Yesterday was painful, and tonight it is not nearly as bad.

The director wants me to play Alto Sax, which requires more pressure to play than the Tenor or Baritone, which I have more experience with. This makes the job a little tougher and I don't expect that I'm going to be as good as I used to be right away.

It still feels wonderful to be doing something I know I'm good at, though.

Happy Birthday Dear Bernie...

I hope I look that young when I'm 35.

Love you, darling! :)

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports...

Go Panthers!

Aside from not scoring TDs in the red zone, I thought the Carolina Panthers played a pretty nice game today, beating the San Diego Chargers on their field with a last-second TD.

It's Official!

Today, I got the news I've been waiting for all spring and summer.

I've been approved for bariatric surgery. The operation is a go, and the date is December 15 - 3 1/2 months away.

I haven't wanted to blog a lot about this subject because I didn't want to jinx it, but now it's going to become reality, so I'll be a lot more forthcoming in future blog posts. I am committed to following the doctor's instructions fully, and also to put it all in this blog so that I can look back on it in the future. Hopefully, by documenting this process, I'll be helping someone out in the future.

Warning - Depression
First things first - when I committed myself to doing this, the doctor warned that many people get depressed while waiting for approval. He wasn't kidding. This summer has been almost as depressive as my last two years of college, when I had a huge problem with motivation. If it weren't for my experiences with depression before, and the ability to recognize it and deal with it, I'd never have made it through to this point. Being married to a wonderful, loving and supportive person like Bernie was probably the best weapon against depression anyone could have - and I've leaned on her heavily. I haven't come through this completely unscathed, though. My attention span and energy this summer have been a fraction of what I'm used to, with crabby moods and paranoia mixed in.

Things that help
What's really helped, I realize, is the C-PAPS machine that helps me breathe easier while I sleep. I've had it for two weeks, and my mind has gotten much clearer since I started using it. My back pain and neck stiffness have cleared up as well, since I'm no longer sleeping on my stomach with an arched back. I'm still having problems getting out of bed in the morning, but the reasons have changed - I'm doing a lot more dreaming before the alarm goes off. I think that's actually a good sign. I seem to remember that in my psych classes in college that REM sleep (dreaming) only occurs after you exit the deep sleeping stage where your body gets its rest. Dreaming rejuvenates the mind, and you don't get enough of it if you aren't having restful sleep.

Things that hurt
All the appointments and specialists that you have to go to in order to qualify for the surgery really take their toll on you emotionally. Basically, you are having to face the reality that there is something wrong with you and your behavior. The guilt from that realization is what really drives you down in the dumps.

Anyway, that's all over now. I have only three more appointments to keep before surgery - one for blood work, one for the nutritionist to drill the pre and post-surgery diet into my brain again, and one for the surgeon to look me over one last time before operating.

The date I picked is good for several reasons. Firstly, it means that I can have one last Thanksgiving meal before starting the two-week liquid/protein diet. Secondly, it means that I can convalesce over the Christmas holidays and use less sick leave/vacation time. Thirdly, it means that I can start the new year as a new man.

Things that motivate me:
I remember what I looked like when I weighed 220 lbs. I looked like a linebacker. I'm 320 today. I think I can expect to be 220 by the six month mark post-surgery. That'll be June 15, 2009. The surgeon says that I can reasonably expect to get down to 180 before I start leveling off. I haven't been that weight since I graduated high school.

I want to buy clothes off the rack at department stores again. Ones with sizes that don't begin with "X".

I want to be able to walk outside in summer without sweating.

I want to be able to sleep comfortably on my back without a machine - or a fan.

I want to tuck a shirt in without having to blouse it out over my waistline.

I want to be able to tighten a belt and actually see what hole I'm using.

Walked Right Into A Trap

I had an appointment for a EGD yesterday - something I had been told would only take an hour or so. When the appointment nurse tells you that it'll only take an hour or so, you generally start to think that you'll be able to walk in, walk out, and go back to work, right?

Wrong.

Okay, an EGD is an upper gastrointestinal scan. This means they put a tiny little camera down your throat and take movies of your espohagus, stomach, and maybe even a little further down. Wikipedia says that it usually involves them numbing your throat, ramming the little wire down, reeling it back in, and then it's over.

Armed with this information, I of course felt that the pre-printed brochure they sent me in the mail that said "You will be sedated. Bring a family member with you to drive you home" was probably an exaggeration, or a worst-case scenario, or maybe it was for people that were having some other, more unpleasant procedure being done to them.

Of course you know where this is heading. The name of this blog is a dead giveaway.

So, having fasted since midnight, I had a 1pm appointment. This is already not fair. I get checked in and they tell me to put on the little hospital johnny gown. Uh-oh. At least I got to keep my shorts on. At this point, I know my assumptions were dead wrong, and I get on the phone to get Bernie to come so she can drive me home.

Surely enough, they wheel me into a little operating room, shoot me full of knockout juice, and the next thing I remember, I'm sitting up and a nurse is handing me a Coke with a straw. There's no rum in the Coke, but I definitely feel like I'm two drinks past tipsy. I remember them telling me to go home and sleep it off, but that's about all I remember from my appointment.

When my head clears, Bernie shows me the little printout with the pictures of the insides of my digestive tract. It's empty, and having been starved all day, I'm just lucid enough to demand she take me to the nearest Chinese buffet.

That was my Thursday. How was yours?

Sick

I really didn't need to get hit with a stomach virus, but it happened anyway. Now I've used 2 sick days that I needed to hoard for surgery (whenever that happens).

I've been excreting black sand and water for 1.5 days. Yuck. Couple that with a mild intermittent nausea, and I think that adds up to a norovirus. Pepto didn't seem to work at all, so I started eating probiotic yogurt this morning, and it seems to be fixing the problem, so I can go to work tomorrow.

I haven't really felt all that bad, but when you gotta go all the time, you can't go to the office.

Travelling Weekend

This weekend, we drove to Wilson, NC to have a reunion with the members of my grandmother's family. Nothing really spectacular to relate - Eastern NC BBQ from Parker's of Wilson is still the reigning champion of pig cuisine.

We stayed overnight in Raleigh with some friends, Phil and Selena, and did some catching up with my friend Bert on Sunday morning, then we headed home.

We did too much eating during this trip. I feel guilty.