A Long Distance Dedication to Elizabeth

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A Will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A dyslexic poet writes inverse.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you may be repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat
miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and it 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

I have a photographic memory, but I never bothered to develop it.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes only on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

(Note: I found these on a message board, but I've 'improved' a couple of them)