The Bamboo Bench - A Project

Bernie and I discovered a month or so ago that there is a bamboo farm in Mint Hill - just up the road from us. I called the guy and he said to come over and he'd show us all the different varieties he owns. We had in mind buying some bamboo for various crafts and projects. Bernie wants to make some wind chimes and I was thinking of making the arbor she's always wanted. It would go well with our rock fountain and garden area in the back yard.

Well, lo and behold, this farm is acres and acres of 60 foot tall bamboo plants! The owner cuts down 4 plants for us and cuts them into 8 foot lengths. This costs us $20, which is ridiculously cheap. $5 for each plant and $5 for his labor.

Once we get it home, I start trying to figure out what to make so I can learn how to build with it. The arbor is too ambitious until I get some experience working with this stuff, so I decide to build Bernie her outdoor bench. Earlier this summer, she bought a gorgeous bench off of amazon.com and then couldn't bear to let it get rained on and lose its pretty finish. So she varnished it and put it on the front porch instead. Bamboo is weather-proof, so this would be perfect as a starter project.

After some thinking, I decided to use a hole saw of various diameters and drill holes into each tube and insert tab a into slot b, then drill pilot holes and use screws to keep it together.

The design is "make it up as you go along", so I made one mistake that I am having to correct by going back to the farm to get more of the large diameter bamboo to use for the seat slats. This may end up being a good thing, as it will make the seat stronger than I originally intended.

So here's the frame, all finished and assembled:

The T-giving break

I was burning out earlier this week. I really needed this four-day weekend, and I've enjoyed every minute of it so far.

Thanksgiving was great, and there was nothing particularly different about it from any other one I've experienced. We did really miss having Bernie's parents with us this year, though. Family discussions have centered on getting them back for a long visit that includes next Thanksgiving. Sounds like a great idea to me!

Friday, we decided to participate in the ritual of Black Friday, went to Staples at 6 am, and picked up a laser printer for $20 (after rebate, of course), and some cheap DVD-Rs. I napped afterwards, and when I got up, Bernie decided to nap. After she got up, the day was gone.

Today, we went to Lowe's for hardware supplies and I got to work on my new project: a bamboo bench for the garden. More on this in a later post. We went over to my parents' place for dinner and now we're chilling out. Tomorrow, we drag out the Christmas decorations.

So, you see...nothing exciting going on here. It's very rejuvenating for me, though, and I'm thankful for this nice relaxing intermission before the holiday season madness begins.

Not Much Happening on the Home Front

Sorry for the week-long gap. I really have nothing to report. I got better on Wednesday, and the back pain/stiffness worked itself out on Thursday. We're taking it easy until Turkey day, where our greatest dilemma is what dish to make for the family Thanksgiving dinner.

Crappiest weekend ever!

1. Saturday - Tar Heels lose to State, mostly due to a terrible gameplan by our coaches.
2. Sunday morning - The best way to start the day is to fall down the stairs and hurt your back.
3. 10 am - An hour after falling, the fever starts. It's the flu.
4. 11 am - We run an errand (buying bamboo for some projects) and the fever turns into chills.
5. 12 pm - Get home, put on 3 layers of clothing, get in bed, under 3 blankets and a down comforter. Taking Tylenol.
6. 1 pm - Shiver and shake and in great pain all day. Bernie comes in and informs me that the cat has escaped and is missing.
7. 4 pm - Panthers lose on a last-second breakdown. I'm semi-conscious, but can't sleep. When I close my eyes I see football plays running over and over again. Pain and fever getting worse despite doubling my dose of Tylenol. No sign of the cat. Bernie's been walking the neighborhood looking. I drag myself out of bed, put on my shoes and walk very slowly down our alley, pausing at each closed garage door, and calling the cat. 5 doors down, the cat steps out between two garages and meows at me like he's had a bad day and it's all my fault. I pick him up and take him home. This drains every bit of energy I have and I collapse into bed again.
8. 6 pm - I haven't eaten all day. Nausea prevents me from eating. I think the pain from my back (which isn't as bad as the fever-pain yet) might not be the fever.
9. 8 pm - Fever is STILL going up, despite the Tylenol. Now it's 102. The pain from the body aches is unbearable. We start thinking about Urgent Care. Bernie calls the on-call nurse at my doctor and gets advice.
10. 10pm - Chills end, now I'm unbearably hot. This is a good sign. I shuck the sweats and layers and turn on the fan and try to sleep.
11. 1 am - I wake up drenched in sweat. The sheets are soaking wet and cold. This is actually an improvement. I feel a little better. Fever is down to 99.
12. 4 am - I wake up again. Finally getting some rest. I drink a whole glass of water. Now that the fever's under control, I can tell that the fall has messed up my back. If I turn over, I get little bolts of pain that make me feel nauseous.
13. 7 am - Get up, call in sick.

So here I am, victim of one of the worst weekends possible. I demand a do-over.

Glorious All-Hallows Eve

For once, life is good. I have a cute wife who missed out on a whole childhood full of halloweens, and wants to start making up for lost time.


And here's the leg in the smoker, as I promised earlier.

Haunted Cubicle

There's a contest at work for the best Halloween decorated cubicle. Here's mine:

Unfortunately, you can't see the gargoyle on top of the storage bin. He's awesome.

NGAB!

Bernie and I have been watching "The Next Great American Band" on Friday nights. I have to say this: It's FAR superior to American Idol.

In fact, it's American Idol with talent, musicianship, intelligent judges, zero fluff and filler, and 100% less Ryan Secrest.

Of the 12 bands chosen to compete, 10 of them are actually really, really good, and I'd bet that 6 to 8 of them end up with contracts regardless of who wins. The music industry is absolutely starved for new bands, and the music-loving public is sick of no-talent no-last-name solo acts like Britney, Jessica, etc., and emo boys like James Blunt.

Voting takes place after the show airs on Fridays, and the lowest vote-getters simply aren't there the next week. No results show where we have to watch the host vamp, fill and fluff for 29 minutes to find out who lost.

Here's the lineup and what I think of them:

Cliff Wagner and the Ol’#7:
-This is a bluegrass band with a lead singer/banjo player that sounds like comedian Rodney Carrington. They're just fantastic - really tight, talented, creative and entertaining. I don't know what the market is for a bluegrass band nowadays, but they should be the first name mentioned when you hear that genre of music. Great group. Ranked #4 of of 12 in my scorebook.

The Clark Brothers:
-An all-acoustic trio of brothers that prefer Christian music with a rustic bend. They play dobro, fiddle, mandolin, guitar, and pretty much all the string instruments. No drums. First of all, their playing is off-the-charts good. Second, their singing is tight, and they are very high-energy on stage. They'll make it big whether they win or not. Just amazing. #3 of 12 in my book.

Denver and the Mile High Orchestra
-From Nashville, despite their name. This is a big, horn-laden swing group with a dynamic frontman. My personal favorites, but probably not going to win. If there's still a market for Big Bad Voodoo Daddy or Cherry Poppin' Daddies, this band will be heard from in the future. The horns are tight, the energy is high, the stage presence is hot. Really really good group. #5 of 12.

Dot Dot Dot
-An 80's Euro-band throwback. Good musicians and a good frontman. They do what they do well, but they are really more of a tribute group than a functioning band. Not very original or ground-breaking. I'd rank them 11th out of 12 in the competition.

Franklin Bridge
-I'd call them a R&B/Soul band, but they change styles faster than I can follow. Amazingly tight - they throw stops, time changes, runs, solos, style changes, etc at you and they must be telepathic to be able to do what they do. They remind me of Living Colour. The front man is a hell of a singer and a hell of a guitar player. I'd rank them #2 of 12.

The Hatch
-Four musicians living in a small apartment together with nothing to do but jam all day. They're what I'd call a pop-alternative group, much like many others on the radio today. The frontman is particularly good-looking, so they may have a future for that reason alone. I think their music is OK, but not particularly original. I'd rank them somewhere in the middle of the pack. #7 of 12.

Light of Doom
-You'd think this is a gimmick band, but they have surprised me. This is the Heavy Metal band consisting of 12 year old boys. The musicianship is insane! I totally expected them to do nothing but cover songs, but tonight they did an original song that was just fantastic. The only problem is taking them seriously. No matter how good they sound (and they sound like pros), I have a hard time doing that. Rank them #8 of 12.

The Likes of You
-This is almost a cheat. The lead singer has had a long solo career opening for big acts, but never has gotten his big break. So he cobbled together a band, rehearsed for 5 months, sent in an audition CD, and now they're in the competition. The amazing thing is that they are making really good music and almost accidentally have become a legitimate collaborative band. I'd say they're #6 of 12.

The Muggs
-A 3 man rock group from Detroit. The bass player had a stroke 3 years ago and now he plays the bass parts on the keyboard with his left hand. You'd never notice from listening. They're pretty darn good. I'd pay to see them in a bar, but I'm not so sure they could sell CDs. The lead singer is also a fantastic guitar player. Rank is #9 of 12.

Rocket
-A punk all-girl band. Unfortunately, they suck. More unfortunately, the judges keep saying nice things about them. I'd never have passed them thru auditions. All the guitars meld into one mushy mid-range cloud of dissonance, and the front-girl can't sing at all. She isn't even pretty. I've heard many, many better punk-girl bands. Last place.

Sixwire
-A country-rock group that had a record deal at one time but their CD didn't sell and they lost the deal. This could be the best group in the competition. The singing and harmonies are air-tight, the musicianship is top-notch, the original songs they've done sound like crossover hits to me. No weaknesses. This is my front-runner.

Très bien!
-Fox has really been trying to sell this group. They are a retro-sixties Beatles-type band. In all honesty, they're pretty good, but I think they are weak in versatility, meaning once they are out of their niche, they aren't legitimate contenders. #10 of 12.

Oooh Yeah I Wish It Would Rain Down...Down On Me

After being teased horrifyingly with predictions of rain in the past few weeks, we finally got something more substantial than a sprinkle here in Stallings. It's been frustrating. On three occasions, there has been over 50% chance of rain, and it's missed us by mere yards. I'm talking there's a line in the road where on one side there's puddles and runoff, and on our side, dry as a bone. I had been giving serious consideration to the idea that there's an invisible force-field above my neighborhood.

Well, today, we actually have had 3 or 4 ten-minute spans where it actually gave a somewhat manly effort to wet the ground. Not that you can tell after it quits. I believe I've mentioned the consistency of the dirt around here before. One big slurping sound and it looks like nothing happened.

At least there's one more day of rain-like possibilities left. Maybe we'll get some measurable precipitation this time. Yeah, right.

Renaissance Fair

Bernie and I went to the Carolina Renaissance Fair in Concord this morning and had a blast. We had heard of it last year, and it runs from September thru November every weekend each year. What we didn't know is that it's a permanent attraction. The buildings and stages are real, not tents. It's almost like Busch Gardens, except there aren't any rollercoasters and high-tech rides. It's been here for 14 years and gets bigger every year.

Lots of people in garb, 6 stages with rotating acts, probably a mile of walking to get from entrance to end, lots of food, lots of interesting wares, and a real jousting show 4 times a day. There are also a bunch of medieval characters walking or sitting around, some of them shouting insults at passersby.

The jousts are a continuing story, apparently. We went to the first one of the day and three knights compete to become the new general of the queen's armies. One is a bad guy, one is a crazy guy who hears voices, and one is the heroic guy. The bad guy won by cheating, and the good guy lost by claiming that one of his faults wasn't counted properly. At the end, the queen declared that the contest wasn't over an that they would compete further at the next show. From what I understand, the next show will have the bad guy and the good guy duel, and the last show of the day is apparently a joust "to the death".

I was surprised to see that they sell beer on the premises, and even have ale brewed on site for sale. The wares for sale are real, not cheap toys. The food was really good, consisting of turkey legs (of course), soup in bread bowls, sausages on sticks, etc., and the prices were quite reasonable, especially compared to the state fair.

Chris, Elizabeth, this is something we should all go to together next year. Athena will love it.

Addendum: I nearly forgot to mention there are games of skill - throwing knives, throwing stars, throwing axes, shooting arrows, crossbow bolts, etc. Real weaponry!

Check This Out

Click on the picture above and ask:
Does the dancer spin clockwise or counter-clockwise for you?



For me, it's random, and I can make it switch if I try hard enough. Making the switch is pretty hard, though, no matter which direction she's currently spinning.

I guess that makes me neither right- nor left-brain dominant.

Sigh. Always undefinable. That's me, all right.

Followup

Rednecks will be rednecks.

Severed Leg Dispute to be Aired on Judge Mathis

In other news, I've bought a fake severed leg from the joke store and I'm going to be displaying it in my smoker for halloween.

It's Toothday!

Bernie had one of her wisdom teeth removed today. My mom drove her to the oral surgeon and brought her home. When I got home from work, the Novocaine was just wearing off. I can't stand to see Bernie in pain - it just tears me up inside. I've been spending the evening giving her the ice pack for 20 minutes, then taking it away for 20 minutes. I'll be happy when she goes to sleep so I know she's not hurting any more. This may actually be harder on me than on her.

Now Here's Something To Rant About

Brian D., please look at this one. Now this is something to rant about!

Severed Leg Custody Case

1. A redneck ("Jethro") buys a charcoal smoker at a forclosure sale.
   
2. He finds a severed leg wrapped in paper inside it.
3. The redneck former owner of the leg ("Cletus") comes forward, wants it back so he can eventually be buried with it.
4. "Jethro" says "finders keepers" and is suing to keep the leg.
   
5. He's currently displaying the empty smoker for $3 a look. ($1 for kids)
6. He says, “The price will be going up if I get the leg.”

This kind of stuff can only happen in South Carolina.

Bonus:
Here's the 911 log from when "Jethro" found the leg:

Disptach: "What's the problem there?"

Caller: "I got a human foot."

Disptach: "Have a what?"

Caller: "A human left foot."

Disptach: "What's your name?"

Caller: "My name is "Jethro" and its plum nasty got me grossed out."

Illegal is Illegal

This is a rebuttal to Brian's rant on his blog. I respectfully disagree with his take on this story.

To summarize, an illegal immigrant came to the US from Guatemala, scrimped and saved for 11 years working as a dishwasher, then was taking his $59,000 savings home in cash for his family. He got caught, and now the US Government doesn't want to give his money back.

Brian holds the opinion that this fellow earned his money and the government is evil to withhold it. I disagree.

Here's my take on the situation:

He's illegal. That makes him a criminal by definition. He committed a crime coming across the border, and then continuously for 11 years. That makes his earnings the proceeds of a crime. Legally, it's forfeit.

He doesn't speak any English. That's sort of irrelevant, but it ticks me off just the same. He was here for eleven years and didn't bother to learn a single word of the language of the land.

He didn't pay any taxes on that money. OK, that burns me up inside. Do you think he may have gone to the hospital once in 11 years? Did he drive a car? Did he use public transportation? Did he use public facilities? Almost certainly he did. For free, since he didn't pay any taxes.

He's liable for fines. The IRS failure to file penalties would be 25% of his $59K. The fine on his employer would be $20K for willfully employing an illegal (which is a certainty due to his making far below minimum wage) - I assume that the fines for being an undocumented worker are similar. He doesn't have much "earnings" left over after that.

Here are some wonderful quotes from the article:

"They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man," he said.
(Gee, you think? You ARE a criminal! The word "illegal" sort of implies that.)

"I no longer feel good about this country."
(Wonderful. Don't come back then. Be sure to tell all your pals to stay away from the mean old United States, where we have laws against sneaking over the border and sponging off our tax-paid services.)

Robert Gershman, one of Zapeta's attorneys, said federal prosecutors later offered his client a deal: He could take $10,000 of the original cash seized, plus $9,000 in donations as long as he didn't talk publicly and left the country immediately.
(That was a darn generous deal. Look at my math above.)

I'm sympathetic toward 99% of illegal immigrants. I've been through the process of getting visas and green cards for my wife. I know it's incredibly complicated, especially if you don't know English. I have lots of sympathy for people who come here looking for a better life. They truly want to live here because America is a better place. They deserve a chance.

Not this guy, though. This guy came here to eat at our buffet, filled his pockets, and then tried to slip out without paying. We should make him wash dishes. Oh, wait...

This Is Just Pathetic

• This is a Division I-A football program in a BCS conference.

• Yes, they are holding mid-season tryouts for a kicker.
  
  
• You'd think with 85 full scholarships a year, they could recruit one that's worth a damn before the season starts.
  
  
• But, no, it's dook University. They had a girl kicker a few years ago, remember?
  
  
• They apparently have no shame whatsoever.
  

Looks Like the Geek Party Is At My Place

LucasArts is coming out with a lightsaber game for the Wii

I feel very sorry for my Playstation-owning friends, but I'll take pity on them and invite them over when this hits stores early next year.

Voomvooom....vrrrrroooow....

Disc Golf

Since my team was getting the stuffing beaten out of them by their opponent this afternoon, I decided to abandon the football game on TV, and to instead burn off my frustration through phyisical activity.

Earlier this week, a co-worker sent me a map of the local disc golf courses. I haven't played since I moved from Raleigh 3 years ago, and I've been itching to start up again. Before I inflict my rusty skills on anyone else, though, I need to practice up.

So, today I grabbed my wife and we drove 30 minutes to the only reasonably close disc golf course. These are nearly always located in a nice park in the middle of a terrible neighborhood, and this was no exception. I told Bernie to leave her purse at home.

I dug out my little bag of golf discs. I have 5 of them - two drivers, one fairway driver, one intermediate-length, and a putter. For those of you who have never played this sport, yes, you can play with a regular frisbee, but in order to score well, you do need a few specialized golf discs. Mine were all bought cheaply at the secondhand sports store.

I'm sure I offended Bernie a few times today, because the point of this was to burn off a bad mood, and I really wasn't nurturing or helping her much, but she really didn't do too badly for a beginner. She gets no distance, but she does keep the frisbee on the course, which is hard to do if you don't know much about throwing the things.

Anyway, we didn't keep score, but I can still do some of the things I used to do when I was in practice. I just need to get more consistent and figure out how to combat my lack of depth perception while wearing sunglasses in the woods. A bit more practice, and I'll be fit to play with others. I'll try to coach up Bernie in the backyard, too.

The Project

A few months ago, my boss at work asked for all of us to each make a powerpoint of one of the applets on our web portal. The powerpoint would describe where the data behind it came from, how it got updated, the I/T processes involved, and how they mapped to what was displayed in the applet.

That was my first experience with powerpoint. Having been with IBM for so long, I was used to Lotus Freelance Graphics. So I took the opportunity to explore exactly what bells and whistles powerpoint offered, and ended up making the presentation a parody of Star Wars with animated screen crawls, integrated music, laser beams, explosions, etc.

I was scared to death to show it to my boss, but she just about died laughing, and when it came time to show it for real, mine was the only one that didn't require someone to stand there and explain each slide and click the mouse to move through the presentation.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, she was bragging on me and my powerpoint skills to her boss, and he asked her if I could work on a presentation for him to take to India to show to our offshore contractors. She agreed, and I met with him to see what he wanted.

Well, it turns out it's not powerpoint at all, because the presentation is already complete. What he wanted is three videos to embed in the presentation. I enthusiastically volunteered to put together the video for him.

Last week, we shot video of our headquarters buildings and also of some of our stores, and I am in the process of editing them, and it's going really well. I had a basic knowledge of how to edit already, but I have learned on the job this week. This has been fun, and I hope it makes a good impression on my upper management bosses.

Now I have to go through a bunch of elevator music to put in the videos.

Computer Hassles

I came home last night to the news that Bernie's monitor had 'blown up'. I went upstairs and checked and it sure seemed that way. Burning smell, nothing on screen, etc.

So, I got online on my PC and discovered a great deal at Circuit City. A 22-inch widescreen LCD for $200 after rebate. I was all over that (both of us have 19 inch LCDs, so this would be an upgrade), so I bought it online and we picked it up at the store. I unboxed it when I got home, and found that it didn't fit in Bernie's hutch (awww), so out of the goodness of my heart, I offered her my monitor and volunteered to take the new one. (Grin)

Since I was coming out on the better side of the deal, I decided to hook up her computer first. I hauled my monitor upstairs and hooked it up to her PC, and there was no difference. I must be slipping - I know better than to buy a component without troubleshooting first, but this time I got slack, and it bit me. I removed her video card, and plugged the monitor into the on-board video, and bingo, we got video again (crappy video, but video nonetheless).

So, I had to take that beautiful monitor back to the store tonight. (Sigh) I got Bernie a slight upgrade in video cards (NVIDIA 6500 up from 5500), and got everything working again, and it cost me $65 as opposed to $200. That's a good thing, right?

Then how come my monitor suddenly looks so small?

On a Side Note, My Wife is Cute!

Incidentally, this is one adorable pic of my gorgeous wife.


And so is this one!